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Terror In The Sky

Dear Alternadad:

In about a month's time, I will be flying from Phoenix to Detroit with a three-year-old and a 13-month-old. Alone. The three-year-old will have her own seat. The infant will ride on my lap. First off, am I crazy? Secondly, what is the best battle strategy to get everyone from one gate to the other alive?

First of all, you're not crazy for traveling alone with your children. People do it all the time, and have done it, if contemporary animated features are to be believed, since the Ice Age. On the other hand, flying from Phoenix to Detroit has kind of an out-of-the-frying-pan ring to it, as though you were deliberately trying to hit North America's least-appealing cities in one trip. How about a stopover in Dayton, too?

Basically, when it comes to non-baby kids on a plane, all you can do is give the appearance of making an effort. You're not really worried about getting the kids there safely. You're not even worried about whether or not they behave. You're really worried about the shame of appearing, in public, to be a bad parent. This is understandable, because people are quick to judge kids on airplanes.

So, since you've obviously decided to take the Southwest Airlines death march, I would definitely advise you to focus on the three-year-old. The infant will either eat or sleep or scream because its ears are exploding. The three-year-old's needs are more complicated and its chances to annoy more diverse. Anyone who complains about a crying baby on an airplane has obviously never had a baby and will receive karmic payback by one day being forced to parent the world's most colicky child. Anyone who complains about an out-of-control three-year-old has a little more justification, because three-year-olds can, at times, be modified for public consumption.

Load up on snacks and toys and coloring books and lots and lots of videos. If you don't yet have a cheap portable video player, I would recommend one highly. I don't care if it's against your principles. If you have little kids, and intend to travel without bothering others, than you need to keep them mollified. If your child is somehow easily mollified without video, then please donate that child to an institute, where its behavior can be studied for the benefit of future generations of terrified parents.

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Comment by Regina on August 24, 2009 at 4:30pm: My 2cents: Go to the dollar store - or the toy section at Walgreens/CVS and buy a couple opf cheap "surprise" toys that you don't bring out til you're on the plane.

Comment by The Oracle on August 24, 2009 at 4:56pm: Also: Take plenty of cash for cocktails. For you.

Comment by Floor Pie on August 24, 2009 at 5:04pm: Great suggestions, Alternadad & Regina.

To the traveling parent, I just want to add: You can do it! I've flown alone with my two from Seattle to Philly several times. With connecting flights, even. Just think of it as a really, really long outing. For the most part, our fellow passengers have been much more kind and patient with us than I would have expected.

Two more suggestions: (1) My kids are both crazy-active, so I try to wait until the last possible minute to board the plane. Let them run around the airport and get good and tired out first. (2) For the 13-month-old, a bottle or nursing really helps with the ear pain during take-off and landing.

Good luck!

Comment by Ylimemagic on August 24, 2009 at 7:51pm: All good suggestions. We do have a portable DVD player! CrazyLime is unfortunately weaned from all things with nipples. We'll have to try a sippy cup. (He's in that back-arching-put-me-on-the-ground phase of mobility. Which should be fun.) I'm actually holding off on potty training Reid because I don't want to have to get up and go to the loo every 5 minutes with her and the boy.

And, OH how I wish I weren't flying to Detroit.

FP - Boarding last is better than boarding first and not having to fight the crush of people?

Comment by Boring User Name on August 24, 2009 at 8:28pm: Ylime: If you are flying SWA, you must board as soon as possible (either between A and B with the family group or with an A pass that you get 24 hours ahead of time) or you may not find that there are two seats together. Then Reid will either sit on her own (which perhaps is a desired solution) or you will end up begging people to move, which doesn't help the stress level.

I've flown with my son alone a lot (which is not the same as travelling with two kids, I understand) and my husband just flew with him to see his grandma. What my husband was not prepared for was the need to be constantly ready with a new activity because the kid was not willing to wait for him to get said next activity. You must have a never-ending supply of snacks, DVDs, crayons, etc. all at your finger tips. So, pack the backpack as full as possible, yet somehow easy to access.

I recommend NOT taking the first row. You may think this is a good idea because there is no one for your children to kick. But the problem is that you have no place to store your stuff in front of you. This means you either clandestinely store it under your feet or in your chair or you legitimately store it in the overhead compartment. However, if you happen to have turbulence (like I did) for the entire flight, you will not be able to stand up and get the stuff above your head. Therefore, you must make as much stuff as possible at your fingertips.

Other thoughts: I use a cloth carrier for S when travelling. TSA told me once that I could go through security with him in the carrier. You can then check the stroller and not bother with it at security (this is assuming Reid can walk the distance of the airport). TSA may change their minds for you, but that would leave CL more or less care-free, leaving you to just watch Reid. If you go with a carrier for CL, do not put shoes on him until you are someplace that he is going to walk. When S was 3 months old, I had to remove his stupid Robeez because "ALL SHOES MUST BE REMOVED." So now I don't even put shoes on him until we have arrived at the gate and he is free to move.

Comment by Boring User Name on August 24, 2009 at 8:33pm: And sippy cups are the same concept as a nipple: it's all about the sucking. S has actually never really complained about his ears, so all kids are different. Remember that you can take pretty much any food or drink you want through security as long as it is for the kids. But don't be terribly surprised if they change the rules on a whim.

Oh and for said carrier, most airlines will make you remove him from the carrier for takeoff and landing "FOR SAFETY", so don't plan on using anything other than brute strength to prevent him from doing the back-arching stretching.

My apologies for offering so many random thoughts.

Comment by Floor Pie on August 24, 2009 at 10:45pm: Ylime - If you are the very last ones on the plane, most folks are seated and settled by then and you can just go straight to your seat. But with SW you might not have that option.

Comment by Ylimemagic on August 25, 2009 at 8:48am: I'm not flying SW. I'm flying Continental.

Thanks everyone (and Alternadad) for the input. At this point, the only way out is through.

Comment by ks on August 26, 2009 at 6:53am: I took the boys to my sister's in Oklahoma a couple of years ago by myself. I didn't have to hold one of them, though, because A was just past two at the time and too old to be a lap baby.

I agree with the videos and snacks and crayons and all that other stuff. And I'll add, sedate them if you can. Nobody will judge you for dosing CLB up with benadryl or something else to make him sleep and be quiet and happy. And then you only have to deal with Reid. And I'd say sedate her too, except that you can't carry both kids through the airport.

Comment by Ylimemagic on August 26, 2009 at 8:29am: ks, Isn't that what strollers are for?

Terror In The Sky

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