An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community

taking a break

So, this is the first online community that I've ever really been a part of, and there have been a lot of things about it over the last two years or so that I've really enjoyed, and times that people here have definitely helped me out. Offered advise, given perspective, talked me down from mama-craziness. I love that people have a sense of humor, that I've felt safe to rant about my kid or husband or life. I've liked that there seem to be people here parenting their kids in lots of different ways, in lots of different places. And for the most part I feel as though I've managed to stay out of conversations where people get really worked up one way or another, and avoid threads that seem to not really have anything to do with me or where I'm coming from.

Lately though I'm starting to feel as though maybe I am too sensitive to some opinions about parenting and lifestyle choices that are a big part of my life, like attachment parenting. I lurked on some AP sites before I found this place, and afterward, and felt like the only parent there who ever went out without my kid, or drank a couple of beers, or parked her in front of Sesame Street so I could sit in front of the computer. OS seemed like a better match. But for the last couple of weeks I've been wondering how many people here think that moms who wear their kids have more time than brains. Or that continuing to nurse your 3-year-old is letting her control you. Or that, basically, someone doing what they feel is best for their child and their family is just nuts and worth making fun of because it's not what you would do.

So I'm going to take a break from OS for a while. Maybe I just need more balance in what I do online, so I'm not looking for everything in one place.

Wishing everyone the best.

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Comment by Herasmus B. Dragon on March 13, 2010 at 11:42am: I'm sorry you feel this way, Danica. I've never gotten that sense at all of the people here; we're a pretty diverse - if liberal - bunch, in general unjudgemental. But again, I for one apologize if something I ever said offended you. I never go out without Elena because her neurosis is better handled by me than a babysitter, and as a little one she lived in a Moby Wrap for a while because that's what she needed (I would drive around with it on), so I understand your point. But even if everyone thinks and parents differently than you, we're still supportive friends. Please come back soon.

Comment by mcglory13 on March 13, 2010 at 12:14pm: I think it's good to take a break now and again. I've certainly done it. :) Sometimes it seems like there's something in the air and either me or the boards get into a place I'm not comfortable with. Come back when you're ready. For the record, I trend crunchier than a lot people around here, but after seeing AP boards hold witch hunts for people they thought "weren't AP enough" I know no place is perfect. :)

Comment by hermit crab on March 13, 2010 at 5:05pm: Sometimes taking a break is for the best, I think. When I got pissed off here in November, I discovered that I felt really annoyed whenever I checked in, so I just stopped looking until I realized I no longer felt mad. At that point I came back. That worked for me.

From loose observation, I think this board is generally extremely supportive. Most threads are about providing moral support, solving a problem, pop culture or being funny. Problems occur mostly when people decide to start a discussion thread for the purposes of venting. Now, while lots of these threads resolve without incident, all of the mass or individual exoduses have occurred when someone decides to vent about something (usually outside of the board, though not always), then someone else feels attacked because they happen to identify with the object of the venting, and things escalate.

I don't think that this dynamic is likely to change. I'm just observing. Also, I'll miss you - see you if/when you decide to come back around.

Comment by Joe Mama on March 13, 2010 at 5:06pm: Danica, come back soon - your voice is truly welcome. I think that when OS is at its best we welcome all sorts of parenting because we know our own family and kids' needs best and also know we don't know what other kids need as well as THEIR parents do. When we fall down its when we go for the laugh before thinking of our friends first. Take the best when you are ready and feel free to call us out when when get rude!

Comment by kanachick on March 13, 2010 at 5:15pm: Breaks from sites are a good thing - do take them when you aren't enjoying the dialogue....but the larger issue is...who gives a rat's ass what random strangers think of your parenting choices? Are you happy? Is your kid happy? Then screw them (and us!) for dissing your strategies.

Comment by mightyninjamom on March 13, 2010 at 5:29pm: Ummm, what kanachick said. I can't really say it any better than that! But I do hope you'll be back soon.

Comment by Tea on March 13, 2010 at 5:56pm: Kanachick said it so well. I hope that you will feel comfortable to come back soon. I enjoy your posts. I love the diversity of this group and it's acceptance of people from all walks of life. My boys are now teens but i still find myself learning new things here.

Comment by Future Fox on March 14, 2010 at 5:26pm: Yeah- What Kanachick said.
I totally get the AP style of parenting- Wore them in a sling till they were 3 and 4 years old, nursed my second for 5 years and my 3rd for 4 years. Tandem nursed then for 2.5 years and co slept with all three boys. My kids go to a Waldorf school, for pete sakes. I know those are not the norm, hesitate on sharing them sometimes. But with this group of people, I have never, ever felt judged or put down. I have always felt safe and supported to share, or overshare. I really hope you come back and continue to be a part of our little community. You will be missed.

Comment by mcglory13 on March 14, 2010 at 5:32pm: HC, I think you're totally right. The "venting" threads are when we go off the rails.

Comment by Joe Mama on March 15, 2010 at 10:34am: Future Fox - you are our representative to the Great Mother herself!

taking a break

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