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Saturday afternoon bitch fest

Anyone ever read "I, Anonymous" in The Stranger ("Seattle's Only Newspaper")? Here's mine. Feel free to add your own....

(PS Can't bitch about this on FB due to frienship with subjects noted below)

1. Why, dearest husband, when we have overnight guests arriving in less than 6 hours and the house is a freaking DISASTER of dust, mess, clutter and reno detritus, do you decide that NOW is when the light switch in the basement needs to be painted because "it's been driving you crazy for months"? Seriously, why?

2. Dear mom - I know that you were raised in a way that left you with little self esteem, which I hate for you, but your constant need for external affirmation and positive feedback exhausts me. And, I know this is selfish of me, but I was always the odd one out in our family. My brothers had their sports and the entire family revolved around their sports for most of childhood. Vacations planned around tournaments, all extra funds went to expenses for traveling for sports etc. You always told me it was because I never "found" anything that you guys could support me in. So, why, when I finally found something I loved, did you co-opt it? Especially now that I don't have the time to indulge in it at all anymore, much less then money? It was the one thing I had. And now I don't. And not only do I not, but you've decided it's your new "thing". Please don't make me sit through another conversation looking at your photography so I can tell you over and over how great you are, how wonderful it is, while I silently resent you for it.

3. Dear Mother In Law - I know you want to be a good houseguest, but honestly, sometimes the effort your force me to expend to get you to stop cleaning my house makes me want you to just leave. There's a fine line between being helpful and making yours hosts feel like A) they are terrible housekeepers and B) you must "buy" your way into our home with domestic labor.

4. Oh, and PS? WTF? You asked me how long it would take to get the natural history museum and I said 40 minutes. I did NOT say we would be staying at the museum for 40 minutes. Just think about that. 40 minutes at a museum? That's just absurd. Why would I ever say that? So, I'm sorry that you were ready to leave in less than an hour and we stayed for almost four hours. But, WTF?

That is all. For now. But....watch this space.

1 member likes this

Comment by wookie on April 9, 2011 at 3:49pm: I'm marking today, so my rants are mostly:
Read
If you don't know, for the love of god ask!
tHINK! Goddamnit, think!

And if you are a contractor and you say you'll come out, Do it, for Christ's sake

Comment by Joe Mama on April 9, 2011 at 8:17pm: Dear Dad,
You drove 8 hours to spend time with your family this weekend because your grandchildren are in a play, in a soccer game and in a band competition all in 24 hours. Why do you insist on complaining about how much work you could be doing instead of going to said play/game/competition? Just stay the fuck home next time.

Love,

Your daughter

Comment by Herasmus B. Dragon on April 10, 2011 at 6:32am: Dear brother who's living in the loft with your dog,

I know your divorce just became final and you're enjoying your sexy time with your new girlfriend who's husband just left her because he thought you two were having an affair (and may have been), but if you say you'll be home at 8 pm to feed and walk the dog and take her to said girlfriend's house to spend the night, do not come in apologizing at 10 am the next morning after I fed her twice and walked her twice in the cold mud. When you move out of Free House into GF's Mom's $500/mo basement and have no people to watch the dog, she's going to get destructive from loneliness. And you know you can't afford to do that, anyway. Your pot smoking means you can't hold a job for more than a year, though you're capable of running an entire restaurant with great success. If you would stop self-medicating and go back on your bipolar meds you'd be more productive and not risk jail time (again). I'm telling you now, if you go to jail, the dog is mine.

Comment by Kiwi on April 10, 2011 at 12:30pm: Dear Woman Who I Don't Know,
How dare you tell my friend that his healthy 30 year old wife dying as a result of her recent child birth was meant to be because it is part of God's plan. If that is the case I'd like to know why someone would plan to orphan a 3 day old and 2 year old in addition to widowing my amazing friend. The world would be a better place if you'd take your platitudes and stick them up your ass.

Regards,
Friend of the Widow Who Had to Fight the Urge to Punch You in the Throat

Dear Universe,
I realize that in my childhood I had a fairly decent sized group of friends, however, that does not give you permission to take three of them from the land of living in the same week.

Kthanxbye!

Comment by Boring User Name on April 11, 2011 at 1:28pm: MM: Yours are cracking me up because they are so mine. Husband is always starting some crazy project on a night when what we need most is ordinary work done. He's also a terrible time estimator, so the 15 minute project is almost always a 3 hour one. Occasionally, the 3- hour one is a 15 minute one.

And my mother in law once announced while we were travelling in Scotland that she doesn't like castles or museums.

There's a lot of sadness here--thinking of everyone.

Mine is actually really lame, but I'll post anyway.

Dear Executive Director of Non-Profit,

Quit obsessing about whether you are getting check signing power. I've told you that I'm working on policies that give it with strict controls in place. Your singular focus on one side of this is making me want to take the recommendation away. And by the way, I'm doing this for FREE. Quit burning out your volunteers.

Thanks,

Saturday afternoon bitch fest

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