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Post op musings, in no particular order

* I wanted to be one of those people that other people could later say about "Even with all she went through, she never complained!". Yeah. Not so much. I've worked really, really hard on staying positive, but I'm a week out, still can't take a full breath without gasping in pain much less move around easily or do pretty much anything for myself. And last night I just lost my shit. Over a Lifetime Movie no less.

* After such serious surgery, there is a strange area of pleasant distraction that I am constantly seeking. My pain keeps me from being able to concentrate on anything much, like even reading. While in hospital, I couldn't even watch TV. Since I've been home, I've watched some, but it's been things like old MASH episodes and such. TV Land is my friend. And then last night, I found the mother lode - Lifetime Movie Network. Vaguely interesting but requiring no effort at all on my part. I was watching Haunting Sarah about these two identical twin sisters (of course!) who each have a child at the same time. The kids grow up as friends, but then the boy dies (don't know how, I missed the first part of the movie). He then haunts his cousin, Sarah. He wants to come back reincarnated in the new baby Sarah's mom is expecting. So I sit through 90 minutes or so of this movie, feeling pleasantly distracted, and Loki and the kids come in the room. It's not really appropriate kid fare, so I pause the TiVo while they are in there. They know I'm waiting for them to leave, but they just keep screwing around. And the TiVo suddenly flips the channel to MSNBC for Olbermann, meaning I've missed that grand finale to my crappy movie. And I flip out. I hurl the remote to the floor, yell (well, approximating a yell from someone who can't take a full breath, see above) "Thanks guys you made my miss my fucking movie!". I would normally never act this like, but apparently this was the venting of several days build up of pain and frustration. It all blew over and I apologized, they apologized, and life went back to normal.

* After this post, I'm going to see if I can find Haunting Sarah on IMDB to find out what happened.

* On surgery date last week, my weight was 277. When I came home on Friday it was 285. Normal for all the IV fluids and stuff they pump into you. This morning it was 272. Wow.

* I have a very regimented eating/drinking/drugging schedule. I'm amazed of how much of my energy each day I spending focusing on making sure I"ve got everything done, in the right order and according to the set time. Actually, I haven't gotten it even close to "on target" yet, but I'm trying.

* I am so damn thirsty. All. The. Time. I sip and sip and sip but can't slake it. (I can't gulp or swallow - not allowed - only sipping). I'm so thirsty that I can't drink any juices or anything. I just drink water and suck on ice cubes. I have always been a huge water drinker and thought nothing of getting in 64 oz, and often more, in a day. Right now, it's all I can do get in 24 for the day, plus choke down whatever other liquids I'm supposed to eat. I honestly feel like would be quite happy to never eat again. I have zero hunger and really no interest in food at all, mine or what my family is eating. They had pizza last night and it doesn't bother me at all to be around it, I just don't want it. But water, sweet gods above, please help me find a way to drink enough water to feel quenched.

* I seem to have developed a strange oversensory issue. If the kids are running around, music is on, Loki is cooking and the smells are around, it will overwhelm me. This is really curious to me as I've never been intolerant to this kind of thing before. I wonder if it's temporary? i hope so.

* I think it's really unfair that I started my period yesterday. Really? Like I don't have enough going on right now?

* I haven't for a minute regretted the gastric bypass. All the issues I'm having really stem from the other procedures I had done. If not for them, I think I'd be leaps and bounds more recovered than I am now. But, it is what it is, and I would have eventually had to have this done anyway.

* I can't believe my employer has not sent me flowers. Harrumph.

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Comment by mcglory13 on March 16, 2010 at 9:55am: Woah. A lot going on. I hope you feel better and less thirsty soon. I would say it is totally normal to be irritable and not to be able to deal with so much sensory input when you are in pain. I mean, what do wounded animals do? They creep off to a cave or quiet area to get rest and heal. It seems totally normal.

Comment by Herasmus B. Dragon on March 16, 2010 at 5:40pm: Ooh, happy healing! Hope you turn a corner soon in healing. Now I feel like a wuss for my own bitching and moaning after my surgery. You complain all you want.

Comment by Andromeda on March 17, 2010 at 9:35am: i hope the healing goes well and smoothly. i know it's not the same, but i've had 2 c-sections and although they are pretty routine at this point, it's still major abdominal surgery, so i kind of know a little bit about what you might be going through. not totally, but just a wee bit. so, i can empathize a little. the rest is sympathy for the thirst and over sensory issues! big (gentle) hugs to you!

Comment by The Oracle on March 18, 2010 at 8:44pm: Oh, I missed this until today. Hugs (also gentle) to you. It sounds like a lot.

Also, if you feel like sharing, I'm curious how much weight you're expected to lose and how rapidly. I guess I assumed you'd lose a lot more, a lot quicker. But I know zero about this procedure, so.

Also, welcome back! I appreciated Loki's update the day after - but glad to see you back for reals. What scary stuff you dealt with!

Comment by The Oracle on March 18, 2010 at 8:45pm: Oh, and also: Yeah to the pain causing major irritation. On my worse pain days (like today), I am so short-tempered and unable to focus on anything that it makes me even grumpier. It's not me and yet I can't help it. Blerg.

Comment by Mommy Monster on March 19, 2010 at 4:39am: I am expecting to lose probably 50 pounds in the first 4-6 month on the conservative end, and 70-80 on the optimistic end. I'm eating less then 500 calories a day (trying really hard for more, but that's all I can handle right now). I was at 267 this morning, so at a pound a day clip, I'll take it! In total, I need to lose about 110-120 pounds. Even if I just lose 75-80, if it resolves some of my other issues (apnea, hypertension, cholesterol problems), I will be thrilled.

Post op musings, in no particular order

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