An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
One Parent, Two Parents, Three Parents, Four . . .
Sunday's Boston Globe published a great article by Drake Bennett titled "Johnny has two mommies – and four dads," asking, "As complex families proliferate, the law considers: Can a child have more than two parents?"
Good question, and one I've written about a few times before. In particular, Bennett looks at lesbian couples who want to include their sperm donor as a third legal parent—and in a few cases, have indeed been able to secure a "third-parent adoption." This is, of course, not the same situation as when sperm donors suddenly want parental rights in the face of a couple's opposition.
As two recent essay collections have shown, though, queer family structure today is many and varied. If you haven't already, check out And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families (about which more here) and Who's Your Daddy?: And Other Writings on Queer Parenting (about which more here.) Note that while both were originally published in Canada, And Baby is now available in the U.S. and both are available through Amazon (Who's Your Daddy through third-party stores).
Bennett, although he cites neither work, writes perceptively:
Good question, and one I've written about a few times before. In particular, Bennett looks at lesbian couples who want to include their sperm donor as a third legal parent—and in a few cases, have indeed been able to secure a "third-parent adoption." This is, of course, not the same situation as when sperm donors suddenly want parental rights in the face of a couple's opposition.
As two recent essay collections have shown, though, queer family structure today is many and varied. If you haven't already, check out And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families (about which more here) and Who's Your Daddy?: And Other Writings on Queer Parenting (about which more here.) Note that while both were originally published in Canada, And Baby is now available in the U.S. and both are available through Amazon (Who's Your Daddy through third-party stores).
Bennett, although he cites neither work, writes perceptively:
Whether or not multiple parentage gains wider legal and social acceptance, the fact that it’s being debated—and, in a few cases, allowed—suggests the flexibility that the concept of parenthood has taken on today, not only among scholars, but among adults doing the work of actually raising children in sometimes unorthodox situations. It’s part of a broader reexamination of what it means to have a family, a conversation that is itself only a chapter in a story that has unfolded over hundreds of years. . . .
Some of those changes remain deeply controversial, of course. And yet there are other aspects of the contemporary family that, while they would strike people of an earlier era as deeply unnatural, today go all but unremarked: the fact, for example, that it’s common for grandparents to live not with their children and grandchildren but instead hundreds of miles away. The family of the future may look similarly unfamiliar to us, and in ways we’re only beginning to discern.It's a great piece, and well worth a read.
Could you, would you, do you parent with a third (or fourth) person?
-
Comment by mcglory13 on October 26, 2010 at 9:31pm -
Obviously there are lots of heterosexual families that divorce, the parents remarry, and suddenly there are four parents in the mix. So, I don't know why this couldn't be true in non-heterosexual relationships as well. Personally, I don't think I could do it. Hell, I don't want to have additional children because I don't want to dilute my time with my only. But I admire people who find the family structure that works for them, whatever that may be.
-
Comment by DLBK on October 27, 2010 at 10:13am -
In theory I wouldn't want to co-parent with another person(s), because I like being the one to determine how my son gets brought up. In practice, my son spends three days per week with my in-laws. He's at their house during the day while I work. Does that mean that in a small way my mother-in-law co-parents with us? She goes by a similar schedule to ours, but of course makes her own rules about discipline and activities; these rules are similar, but not identical to ours. Or is our situation more like daycare? I see it somewhere in-between. It's been working for us for 2 years and it's clear it's great for my son.
-
Comment by DLBK on October 27, 2010 at 10:17am
-
Also, in thinking of lesbian couples who include the sperm donor as a third parent--I'm just speculating, given that I'm not in that situation, but wouldn't that diminish the role of the non-biological mom? The child has three parents and two are related biologically--where does that leave the third, who might be more involved with the child than the sperm donor?
I know these women are choosing to include the sperm donor, so they must not feel that way, but it would greatly freak me out.
-
Comment by Mombian on October 27, 2010 at 10:48am -
I agree--I'm not sure it would work for me, and there are plenty of legal issues, which vary from state to state, depending on how the non-bio mom is recognized. But to each their own. One of the interesting points in the Globe article is whether we need to think about different "levels" of parenthood in some cases, with primary parents as well as others with a more limited set of rights (with the permission of the primary parents). It's a legal tangle, but fascinating from a sociological perspective that such ideas are even being tossed around.
Comment
© 2013 Created by Offsprunger.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Offsprung to add comments!
Join Offsprung