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G Forced Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Talking Animal Movies
Welcome to the new Offsprung and welcome to Reeling. Here, I’m going to be talking about movies, reviewing movies and sometimes complaining about movies. Though today we begin talking about kid flicks, I promise that I won’t be limited to that arena just cause this here is a parenting site.
So what qualifies me to write about movies? I grew up basking in the hot-buttered glow of Lucas and Spielberg. I went to film school and spent many obligatory years behind the counter at a video store. In short, I am a big giant movie nerd. That said, I don’t blindly worship Hollywood. I’m not afraid to call a turd a turd (yes, I’m looking in your direction Michael Bay).
I welcome your comments and feedback. And if you have any movie questions, or if there’s something movie related you’d like to know, feel free to fire them off to me.
Before we begin I’d like to remind you to turn off your cell phones and please refrain from talking. Now sit back, relax and enjoy the show…
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Let’s face it regular pets are boring. They’d be much better if they talked. Or sung. Or fought crime. At least that’s what the movies want us to believe. And judging by the box office results of the recent spate of anthropomorphic animal movies, we do too. At least our kids do.
Last fall, a certain big-eared shaky dog left her cushy upper crust home for an adventure south of the border and found her way into our hearts (and our wallets). Before that, a trio of singing chipmunks captured the collective attention of our offspring. There have also been superhero dogs and cats who hate Mondays. And while these movies hold little appeal to us grownups, they have undeniably captured the imagination of the littlest members of our household. But why?
“Wish I could speak with my dog. Cause right now it’s just a monologue.” - Barenaked Ladies
The success of these movies makes perfect sense when you look at them from the kid perspective. What kid hasn’t yearned to hold a conversation with their dog? Or discover that their cat has a secret life of crime? Isn’t this the kinds of wish fulfillment of which movies are made?
Maybe it’s harder for adults to dig these movies because we have a more complicated relationship with our pets. Despite our children’s pleas of “I promise I’ll take care of them”, we’re the ones who end up brushing them, feeding them, taking them for walks in downpours, scooping their litter, escorting them to the vet... It’s not that we don’t love our pets, but they are also another chore packed into our already chore-filled lives. Not our kids, who stand idly by, basking in the unconditional love of their pets, free from the weight of responsibility that comes with them. Sure a kid would love to talk to his dog. But we grownups know that if our dog ever started talking, it wouldn’t be long before it started to annoy the shit out of us.
Which brings me to the matter at hand. G-Force is the story of a group of highly trained group of guinea pigs who are charged with stopping a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world. Yes I know, this is a plot you’ve seen a thousand times before. At first, it might seem like an odd choice for a flick from producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who has given us movies such as Top Gun, The Rock, Armageddon, the Pirates series and…um…Kangaroo Jack. But since G-Force is really an action movie at heart, he is the perfect candidate.
When the trailer for G-Force first went up, I heard a collective gasp of confusion and frustration from the adults in the theater. It was quickly followed by laughter from the kids. Kids like weird things and these walking, talking, slightly cartoonish guinea pigs were just that. Add the obligatory poop joke and they were hooked.
As the movie’s release approached, I took to the message boards to get a feel for the general reaction from the always-cranky movie going internet users. There were definitely some strong opinions about it, mostly from people who declared the movie false because, as everyone knows, a guinea pig’s hind legs are too weak to use hamster balls. The fact that they could talk and fight crime didn’t seem to bother them at all.
When I was a kid, I owned a few guinea pigs. They were kind of cute in a rodent sort of way, but for a boy who was craving the attention of a dog or a cat, the guinea pigs ultimately were not very interactive. Every once in a while things got exciting when one would get caught behind my dresser and I’d have to shoo it out with a yardstick. Other than that, there wasn’t much to do with them. So I can see how putting these weird little animals front and center in an action movie could be appealing to a kid and the movie, like its furry brethren before it, is a hit both with audiences and at the box office.
Parents, we have a choice to make. We can fight against these movies are we can simply accept the fact that our kids love them. Cause they’re not stopping any time soon. Brace yourselves for more chipmunks, a mystery solving Great Dane, a dog who knows kung fu and maybe even the violent antics of a cat and mouse.
So what qualifies me to write about movies? I grew up basking in the hot-buttered glow of Lucas and Spielberg. I went to film school and spent many obligatory years behind the counter at a video store. In short, I am a big giant movie nerd. That said, I don’t blindly worship Hollywood. I’m not afraid to call a turd a turd (yes, I’m looking in your direction Michael Bay).
I welcome your comments and feedback. And if you have any movie questions, or if there’s something movie related you’d like to know, feel free to fire them off to me.
Before we begin I’d like to remind you to turn off your cell phones and please refrain from talking. Now sit back, relax and enjoy the show…
Let’s face it regular pets are boring. They’d be much better if they talked. Or sung. Or fought crime. At least that’s what the movies want us to believe. And judging by the box office results of the recent spate of anthropomorphic animal movies, we do too. At least our kids do.
Last fall, a certain big-eared shaky dog left her cushy upper crust home for an adventure south of the border and found her way into our hearts (and our wallets). Before that, a trio of singing chipmunks captured the collective attention of our offspring. There have also been superhero dogs and cats who hate Mondays. And while these movies hold little appeal to us grownups, they have undeniably captured the imagination of the littlest members of our household. But why?
“Wish I could speak with my dog. Cause right now it’s just a monologue.” - Barenaked Ladies
The success of these movies makes perfect sense when you look at them from the kid perspective. What kid hasn’t yearned to hold a conversation with their dog? Or discover that their cat has a secret life of crime? Isn’t this the kinds of wish fulfillment of which movies are made?
Maybe it’s harder for adults to dig these movies because we have a more complicated relationship with our pets. Despite our children’s pleas of “I promise I’ll take care of them”, we’re the ones who end up brushing them, feeding them, taking them for walks in downpours, scooping their litter, escorting them to the vet... It’s not that we don’t love our pets, but they are also another chore packed into our already chore-filled lives. Not our kids, who stand idly by, basking in the unconditional love of their pets, free from the weight of responsibility that comes with them. Sure a kid would love to talk to his dog. But we grownups know that if our dog ever started talking, it wouldn’t be long before it started to annoy the shit out of us.
Which brings me to the matter at hand. G-Force is the story of a group of highly trained group of guinea pigs who are charged with stopping a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world. Yes I know, this is a plot you’ve seen a thousand times before. At first, it might seem like an odd choice for a flick from producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who has given us movies such as Top Gun, The Rock, Armageddon, the Pirates series and…um…Kangaroo Jack. But since G-Force is really an action movie at heart, he is the perfect candidate.
When the trailer for G-Force first went up, I heard a collective gasp of confusion and frustration from the adults in the theater. It was quickly followed by laughter from the kids. Kids like weird things and these walking, talking, slightly cartoonish guinea pigs were just that. Add the obligatory poop joke and they were hooked.
As the movie’s release approached, I took to the message boards to get a feel for the general reaction from the always-cranky movie going internet users. There were definitely some strong opinions about it, mostly from people who declared the movie false because, as everyone knows, a guinea pig’s hind legs are too weak to use hamster balls. The fact that they could talk and fight crime didn’t seem to bother them at all.
When I was a kid, I owned a few guinea pigs. They were kind of cute in a rodent sort of way, but for a boy who was craving the attention of a dog or a cat, the guinea pigs ultimately were not very interactive. Every once in a while things got exciting when one would get caught behind my dresser and I’d have to shoo it out with a yardstick. Other than that, there wasn’t much to do with them. So I can see how putting these weird little animals front and center in an action movie could be appealing to a kid and the movie, like its furry brethren before it, is a hit both with audiences and at the box office.
Parents, we have a choice to make. We can fight against these movies are we can simply accept the fact that our kids love them. Cause they’re not stopping any time soon. Brace yourselves for more chipmunks, a mystery solving Great Dane, a dog who knows kung fu and maybe even the violent antics of a cat and mouse.
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Comment by Stepping In It on August 4, 2009 at 7:51am -
For some reason, I never gained the adultlike disdain for talking animal movies. I'm waiting for my SO to go out of town so I can take the Buglet to see this film. Talking baby movies are another story. Looking forward to reading more of your reviews.
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Comment by Alan on August 4, 2009 at 8:25am -
Great post, especially with the Pet Euthanasia At Home google ad. It must know of my disdane for guinnea pigs.
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Comment by StitchyWench on August 4, 2009 at 9:57am -
We had two guinea pigs when we were first married. I loved them! They were such an awesome pair. Sally loved her man Humphrey so much that she literally died of a broken heart when he died. She was so sad and lost without him that she wouldn't sleep, eat or do anything. She just sat in her cage staring longingly at his. We tried everything and she wouldn't come around.
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Comment by MamatothaMax on August 4, 2009 at 10:16am -
I used to take a blanket and a book outside in the summer. While I read my guniea pig, Pinky (an original name for an albino gp right?) would eat her fill of the grass and flowers. Then she'd settle herself on my shoulder for a nap. She was loud, cuddly, and had tons of spirit. I could totally see her fighting crime.
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Comment by G.G. on August 4, 2009 at 10:35am -
Welcome reeling!
I never grew out of the poop joke hook. So enough poop jokes and I'll be able to stomach it...and really I've already survived the Wonder Pets so whats a few more talking guinea pigs
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Comment by Daddy Geek Boy on August 4, 2009 at 10:37am
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GG...if you can survive the Wonder Pets, you can survive anything!
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Comment by G.G. on August 4, 2009 at 10:53am
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DGB - Seriously its the duck that needs to die. Or get some speech therapy.
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Comment by zenmom on August 4, 2009 at 11:18am -
This one sounds alright. I don't think I'll mind watching it once. It's knowing that the kids will want to watch is 30,000 times that really makes me cringe.
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Comment by Reeling on August 4, 2009 at 12:26pm
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McGlory...thank you for validating my post about people being up in arms because of the hamster ball thing. I was shocked to find out how upset people were.
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Comment by ks on August 4, 2009 at 5:59pm -
My kids will be seeing this on video free from the library because I'm not spending money on it. But they both really want to see it.
I was pleasantly surprised by the south of the border dog movie, though. I watched it while subbing in a special ed class last spring and it was messed up and hilarious.
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