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Boy Scouts: WWOSD?
My soon-to-be-kindergartener recently asked me if he gets to be in Boy Scouts when he's in kindergarten.
I bit my tongue long enough to avoid the diatribe. I drew a little blood. Instead I just told him he could be in something like Boy Scouts, but not Boy Scouts specifically, because they don't let gay people be in Boy Scouts, and I think that's mean.
Inevitably, his next question, "What's gay?"
I told him it's when a family has two daddies or two mommies that live together with their kid. (Trying to differentiate here between kids with gay parents and kids with two dads or two moms because of remarriage. We'll get into single gay parents later.) Anyway, he pouted that just because gay people can't be in Boy Scouts, why should that mean he can't?
I knew we'd have this convo someday and that I'd break his little heart with it. But I've compromised on lots of things, like letting him eat hot dogs (gross) and watch TV shows I never would have been allowed to as a kid. I might throw up a little a lot in my mouth if I had to take him to Boy Scout meetings, and Jesus do I hate throwing up.
But seriously, 50 years from now, when DADT seems like a quaint but ugly relic of the past, and the Boy Scouts is led by a gay guy, and, hell, Catholic priests can marry their same-sex partners in a public ceremony, sacraments and all,I want my kid to be the
one bragging to his friends about how his parents didn't let him be a
Scout way back when they wouldn't let gay people in. And then I want them all to roll their eyes and shake their heads about how there were once these huge institutions that didn't let gay people in and can you believe it?
I'm expecting the pressure on this issue to crank up over the next couple of years on the home front. Other boys will come to school in their scout uniforms, talk about their scout camping trips, show off their badges or whatever. I have to have something in place for my kid now, something he can get so keyed up about that Boy Scouts doesn't matter. Preferably it's something with a cool uniform and a cool name.
I'm just looking into this now so I'd appreciate some feedback from you guys, if you know any groups that do Boy Scout type stuff without the discrimination. I also found this, which could be useful. Work your way to the bottom of the page for alternatives to Boy Scouts, but not before reading about all the cool ways different groups, cities, grant funders, etc are kicking back against the B.S.
After that, check out the stories of courage here. Takes some balls to speak out against such a venerated institution as the Boy Scouts.
Are your kids in Boy Scouts? If yes, do you talk about the anti-gay policy? If no, are they in something else more welcoming? How do you like it? Did you get pressure to join the Scouts? How did you handle it? Whatever your answer to these questions, feel free to dispense any advice you have anyway. I could use it. I don't want to break a kid's heart, but I have to take a stand on this one.
I bit my tongue long enough to avoid the diatribe. I drew a little blood. Instead I just told him he could be in something like Boy Scouts, but not Boy Scouts specifically, because they don't let gay people be in Boy Scouts, and I think that's mean.
Inevitably, his next question, "What's gay?"
I told him it's when a family has two daddies or two mommies that live together with their kid. (Trying to differentiate here between kids with gay parents and kids with two dads or two moms because of remarriage. We'll get into single gay parents later.) Anyway, he pouted that just because gay people can't be in Boy Scouts, why should that mean he can't?
I knew we'd have this convo someday and that I'd break his little heart with it. But I've compromised on lots of things, like letting him eat hot dogs (gross) and watch TV shows I never would have been allowed to as a kid. I might throw up a little a lot in my mouth if I had to take him to Boy Scout meetings, and Jesus do I hate throwing up.
But seriously, 50 years from now, when DADT seems like a quaint but ugly relic of the past, and the Boy Scouts is led by a gay guy, and, hell, Catholic priests can marry their same-sex partners in a public ceremony, sacraments and all,I want my kid to be the
one bragging to his friends about how his parents didn't let him be a
Scout way back when they wouldn't let gay people in. And then I want them all to roll their eyes and shake their heads about how there were once these huge institutions that didn't let gay people in and can you believe it?
I'm expecting the pressure on this issue to crank up over the next couple of years on the home front. Other boys will come to school in their scout uniforms, talk about their scout camping trips, show off their badges or whatever. I have to have something in place for my kid now, something he can get so keyed up about that Boy Scouts doesn't matter. Preferably it's something with a cool uniform and a cool name.
I'm just looking into this now so I'd appreciate some feedback from you guys, if you know any groups that do Boy Scout type stuff without the discrimination. I also found this, which could be useful. Work your way to the bottom of the page for alternatives to Boy Scouts, but not before reading about all the cool ways different groups, cities, grant funders, etc are kicking back against the B.S.
After that, check out the stories of courage here. Takes some balls to speak out against such a venerated institution as the Boy Scouts.
Are your kids in Boy Scouts? If yes, do you talk about the anti-gay policy? If no, are they in something else more welcoming? How do you like it? Did you get pressure to join the Scouts? How did you handle it? Whatever your answer to these questions, feel free to dispense any advice you have anyway. I could use it. I don't want to break a kid's heart, but I have to take a stand on this one.
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Comment by ks on June 10, 2010 at 1:11pm -
I won't let my boys be in Scouts either, although N has asked a couple of times. But I just explained about the no gays or atheists rules and he was fine (we're non-believing heathens here). They do karate instead.
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Comment by Floor Pie on June 10, 2010 at 1:59pm -
You know, there's a big Girl Scouts presence here in Seattle but I haven't heard a word about Boy Scouts. All the joiner-pressure seems to be around soccer and T-ball leagues instead.
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Comment by taraw on June 10, 2010 at 2:01pm -
It hadn't even occurred to me that I would have to deal with this with our boys, we are also non-believing heathens and the boy scouts organization makes my skin crawl......I can't wit til this comes up.....
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Comment by Boring User Name on June 10, 2010 at 2:38pm -
What about the change from the inside argument? It seems like there is some push for that from some of the links above. We haven't decided yet. I don't think it is big around here, but my husband was very involved, so I don't know what we'll do.
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Comment by mcglory13 on June 10, 2010 at 4:19pm -
Frankly, I'm interested to see if my son can join a girl scout troop. There are scouting troops that mix genders, and believe me, girl scouts is crazy liberal.
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Comment by mightyninjamom on June 10, 2010 at 4:46pm -
Little B has shown absolutely no interest in boy scouts, so this has not given us much to worry about. In fact, he is not particularly interested in organized anything. He knows how I feel about certain issues - in fact if he knows it's something that makes me cranky (like golf courses) he is against it. Kinda funny in a horrifying way.
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Comment by kanachick on June 10, 2010 at 5:46pm -
My sons are both in boy scouts and I don't think anyone would give a toss if any of the parents or leaders were gay. Really. It may be a national rule but at the local level they just do whatever they like.
My husband is a leader for our older boy and there's no religion at all in the troop or in the meetings...like...none...at all...
I expect they'll all do it one more year and then quit but my husband feels a duty to the other fellow who is a leader with him.
Honestly...it really comes down to the local level.
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Comment by ks on June 10, 2010 at 6:01pm
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McGlory, I love Girl Scouts. Love.
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Comment by Mommy Monster on June 10, 2010 at 7:17pm -
Sigh. We ultimately let Wild Thing be in Boy Scouts this year, after a lot of discussion. We didn't want to, but our friend and (very like-minded) neighbor is his troop leader and we really like him. We were more worried about ending up with some wingnut leading any other kind of troop. But reading this makes me feel like a sell out. Sigh.
Camp Fire has gone co-ed and they are supposedly a really good organization. They just aren't around here. Not many choices around here.
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Comment by wookie on June 11, 2010 at 5:55am -
I know in Canada we have an official, in writing, inclusion policy.
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