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A Special Ed vent

So I just watched my 8 year old struggle to locate the letter U. In an alphabet lineup. Eventually her 5 year old sister pointed it out for her. I've watched her fustrated to the point of tears trying to circle objects in groups, even just groups of two. Not able to count blocks accurately when trying to calculate perimeter.

And yet, she can read Popular Mechanics and Harry Potter.

In a way, I get it. I get why the teachers get this confused little polite smile when I insist that my B student is struggling. I've seen her worksheets, the mistakes, the abominable spelling, writing one word answers when there are 5 blank lines, expecting a paragraph. She doesn't come across, in school, as bright. Bright students can remember what direction an f points. Bright students excel. My student meets board expectations.

And I've now had multiple officials inform me that "we don't identify students before the age of 9 for anything other than behavioural issues. And your daughter does not meet the requirements to be identified regardless." (quick note: unless the board identifies on paper, any individual accommodations granted to a student are fickle at best. If we have time, if we have resources, if it is convenient, we will allow you X Y or Z. The official identification is what grants you the legal right to have accommodations.)

I mean, sure... I'm fustrated because we don't meet requirements because her grades aren't BAD enough. Surely there are parents out there who would kill to have that problem.

But when I see her devolve into baby talk and refuse to participate after her sister finds the "U" for her... this isn't right. Unable to sleep because she's terrified of 3rd grade math (and the year hasn't started). This isn't the solution. Waiting for her to "grow out of it", singing the "every child is different!" song, or insisting that there is such a wide range of normal, and that my daughter is perfectly average?

Does that sound average to you? Reading Popular Mechanics but not able to circle two stars on the page?

It's a load of steaming horseshit, frankly.

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Comment by Kiwi on September 3, 2010 at 8:16am: No it doesn't sound average to me. Though I am starting to fee like I don't even know what average is anymore.

Reading comprehension and coherent sentence writing is an uphill battle at my house. It is very frustrating because he can walk through the aquarium building at SeaWorld and name every plant and animal but he struggles to write a complete sentence.

Comment by Alan on September 3, 2010 at 11:32am: Seems like there should be a much better system for getting kids what they need. I can't imagine how much that must suck.

Comment by ruth on September 3, 2010 at 12:08pm: Fuck wookie, that must be heartbreaking for you when she gets so frustrated. You know I feel your pain on the "dealing with school district" issue. In some ways we've had a harder time finding appropriate services for our son with Asperger's, who is very high functioning, than we have for our son with autism, because our older son's differences are more subtle and not always immediately obvious.

Good luck with school starting -- hope she doesn't work herself up too much with worry.

Comment by Annaevilred on September 3, 2010 at 9:56pm: Call your peditrician and have a long talk with him(her?). You may need to appoach this from a different angle. We had to do the something similar with Brandon. I know it's not a physical problem but they can also refer out to psyc for cognitive testing and that may help with getting the school onboard with additional or alternative teaching. Its a thought.

Comment by wookie on September 4, 2010 at 4:47am: We already have the psycho educational assessment in hand (we've been at this for a couple of years). On paper, she's defined as having a type of dyslexia, and a bunch of other visual processing issues. On paper, she has a learning disability. But because her grades aren't failing, the school board is stating that she does not meet the criteria for being identified.

Comment by mightyninjamom on September 4, 2010 at 7:27am: How much longer does the school want kids to flounder?! That's just not right. There needs to be more early intervention for kids who have problems like this. I know it's wishful thinking, but crap. The world doesn't need any more frustrated learners. This child is obviously ridiculously intelligent...shouldn't there be an offering for her? A program that will work to her strengths?

Comment by Joe Mama on September 4, 2010 at 6:23pm: crap. Have you talked to her new teacher yet?

Comment by Joe Mama on September 4, 2010 at 6:40pm: I'm wondering if you can have her do the absolute minimum on any of those math/visual processing assignments and have her go mad on the reading based work to show how bright she is when she can use her strengths.

A good teacher will help you modify her assignments even if she doesn't have a formal IEP - only do the evens or only every third (that lets her practice that skip counting with you!) problem. Tell the teacher you are fine with her "failing" in those subjects as long as she is protected in the class and at home on a daily basis. The difference between the high and low will support your argument that she needs additional support.

Good luck.

Comment by wookie on September 5, 2010 at 5:44am: How much longer does the school want kids to flounder?!

The trouble is, according to the school board, she's not floundering. She meets or approaches the provincial expectations for a child her age (B and C student). She has devised a number of coping strategies that help her scrape by. It just takes her six times as long and her work is always a mess... answers in the wrong box, backwards letters, doing addition when the problem is subtratction, etc. So given the quality of her work, she doesn't come across as bright. Just the opposite.

It's when you watch her, say, build a robot or read C.S. Lewis that you get an inkling that maybe this isn't her potential.

We're at an awkward stage... most work at this level is worksheets and short writing, so there's very little that doesn't require her to use her weaker skills. It's a very visual world we live in :-) We've been working with an OT on some of the issues and an SLP to try and build up her spelling. These are both out of pocket.

Largely, my vent is that I'd like some additional support. I'd like to not be the only person who "gets" what is going on and is in her corner. Until she's identified by the board, there is no modification of assignments, although they'll do things like let her use a computer to do some of her writing (not feasible for worksheet work)... when it's convenient and not a test or something important.

We'll have to see what the new teacher is like. I know the new principal is a "by the book" lady, so that will be a barrel of fun.

Honestly, teachers must hate to see me coming. "Oh look, her comes the lady who thinks her slow kid is bright!"

Comment by mightyninjamom on September 5, 2010 at 7:35am: Okay...srsly. If I lived close by, I'd be bringing my massage table to your house every weekend.

A Special Ed vent

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