Hausfrau's Page

My first post in many months is dedicated to my new brother-in-law Dennis, who I love.

Much of my 2010 has been consumed with the wedding of the century, that of my sister, Princess Di (a/k/a "Miss Monopoly") and brother-in-law Dennis (a/k/a "Dennis"), which finally took place on July 31, same day as Chelsea's. (If…

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The past several months have not been kind to various non-humans who reside(d) in the Haus. I will eventually discuss some of our feline tragedies, but our first tale of woe concerns Killer, the hermit crab Crazy Gabi gave The Heir for Christmas.



Longtime Offsprungers might remember Crazy Gabi, my parents' next door neighbor who gave us rabies in the summer of 2006. A brief overview for those of you who don't recall this particular highlight of my parenting adventure: Since my parents,… Continue

Those of you who know me, either on Offsprung or in the alt-verse (where Jack has a son and Ben is a high school history teacher), know that I intend to live to be 120 years old. I plan to emulate my hero, Jeanne Calment, formerly of France, currently of heaven, who died at age 122. I don't feel the need to share the longest-lived crown with Ms. Calment, being that she's my hero and all, and so am content to fall a couple of years short. In all honesty, though, if I make it to 121, I… Continue

Hi Offsprungers: I've missed you. Suffice it to say that I've taken on too much, and the start of the school year till now has left me with little time to ponder, reflect, observe, analyze, or appreciate, and without doing those things, I don't have all that much to say. And you know how it goes: the longer you stay away from something, the harder it is to dive in again. But NotClooney feels very strongly that my writing, provided I keep sharpening my skills, is much more conducive to his… Continue

Despite having grown up Monopoly – that is, despite being the spawn of big spenders Mr. Monopoly and Mr. Mr. Monopoly – I am not known for my own profligate ways. Quite the opposite, in fact; I'm kind of a cheap bastard (or "basterd," as the kool kidz spell it), at least as far as things are concerned. Don't get me wrong, I do spend money, but my rule seems to be that if something lasts longer than two weeks, I don't want it. So essentially, my mad cash, such as it is, is burned on… Continue