An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
What say you Offsprung?
So I read this article about leaving your kids unsupervised.
My answer is yes, there are times when it is safe to leave your kids alone.
Outside our the front door of our apartment is a grassed courtyard. We allow both 1st and 2nd kid to play out there. If you look out our bedroom window you see the entire space. We allow 1st kid to play completely unsupervised but if 2nd kid is out with him we keep an eye on her from the bedroom window. 2nd kid is not allowed to play outside alone. House rule states that when we look out that window we must be able to see you. If we cannot see you that means you are outside of the designated play area and thus grounded for X days from playing outside.
One of my co-workers when were all chatting about kids looked at me like I'd said I let them run across the highway when I said they play outside and we're inside. She said, "*gasp* but you live in an apartment complex and you never know what kind people are living in apartments". To which I replied "I am people living in apartments and my best friend lives down the sidewalk from us."
I think everyone has really gone overkill on the Stranger Danger! I have known many people who were abused and/or molested as children . Not one of them had it done by a stranger. It was always family or someone close to their family.
My answer is yes, there are times when it is safe to leave your kids alone.
Outside our the front door of our apartment is a grassed courtyard. We allow both 1st and 2nd kid to play out there. If you look out our bedroom window you see the entire space. We allow 1st kid to play completely unsupervised but if 2nd kid is out with him we keep an eye on her from the bedroom window. 2nd kid is not allowed to play outside alone. House rule states that when we look out that window we must be able to see you. If we cannot see you that means you are outside of the designated play area and thus grounded for X days from playing outside.
One of my co-workers when were all chatting about kids looked at me like I'd said I let them run across the highway when I said they play outside and we're inside. She said, "*gasp* but you live in an apartment complex and you never know what kind people are living in apartments". To which I replied "I am people living in apartments and my best friend lives down the sidewalk from us."
I think everyone has really gone overkill on the Stranger Danger! I have known many people who were abused and/or molested as children . Not one of them had it done by a stranger. It was always family or someone close to their family.
Tags: over-parenting, stranger danger
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on -
I think with the right parameters in place (like yours) it's totally acceptable. We have similar rules for the kidddos playing outside. They are okay in the back and driveway, but I don't like to let them out into the cul de sac because people go rocketing through there at like 50 miles an hour half the time. It's also wooded, so you can't see the whole thing.
Although the Little Miss is bad about wandering and not paying attention to her surroundings, so she is not allowed by herself, anywhere.
-
Permalink Reply by ks on -
I have similar rules for the boys. N is allowed to go to the school playground across the street and ride his bike up and down the block by himself. You can see the playground from my kitchen and living room, and if I walk into the front yard, I can look up and down the block. A is allowed to go, but not by himself--he has to either have one of us or N with him. The rule is that Mr. S or I must be notified of their whereabouts and we must be able to see them when we look out.
But I know people who think I'm crazy for letting them do some things on their own, and I also know people who think I'm being overprotective for enforcing the rules I do have, because they let their kids have the run of the neighborhood, more or less unsupervised--which I don't mind for their kids, but mine will be waiting for another year or two for that particular privilege.
-
Permalink Reply by wookie on -
Personally, I am more worried about traffic hurting my kids than my neighbours (or a roaming dog, but that is more about a specific neighbour who wont #(@!)( keep her dog in her own damn yard). But I do prefer that they be with someone else, either a sibiling or friend... the isolation part of living out here sits uneasily with me at times. I can see letting them walk the dogs as they get older, again, I think not being alone makes you less of a target. I used to roam upwards of 10k rambling around the countryside with my dog. But I grew up in the country... you had to roam 10k just to get ice cream.
I think the harder question, is how to tell the difference between a good group of kids to play/hang out with and a bad group of kids to play/hang out with. Because gang dynamics get really strange really fast and a pack of kids will cause stupid amounts of damage that most of the kids in it, on their own, would never dream of doing.
-
Permalink Reply by Daria on -
In the examples given in the article, I probably wouldn't do the first two. Something about large department stores makes me skittish--probably getting lost myself as a kid once or twice. And I pretty don't like asking a non-friend to watch your kid. That's not the librarian's job. A more-or-less stranger (I had just met her to buy tickets from her off of Craigslist) asked me to watch her kid while she used the Port-A-Potty. I did it, but I didn't really like it.
I do feel like people stare at me sometimes for the wide berth I give my kid in public spaces. He likes to run and I let him. I can see him--I could catch him before he ran in the street, so I let him run. Yes, I live in a city, but like Kiwi said, it's filled with people like me.
But being able to watch the back yard was a key component of our kitchen re-design. I wanted to be able to give him freedom, yet be able to check in easily and without seeming intrusive.
-
Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
I don't see anything strange or bad about that. Heck, I let my three and a half year old play by himself in the backyard for short periods. I keep an eye on him out the window, and he can't get out the gate.
-
Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
I can't help but think about the research I did in law school on workplace productivity, wherein study after study demonstrated that for mid to low-wage workers, the absolute lowest point of productivity for the day was between 3 and 4pm, as parents called home to check in with their kids and make sure they got home from school okay. Many of the parents reported having to leave young kids unsupervised because reliable child care was unavailable or unaffordable. So I guess knowing that five year olds in poor neighborhoods are fending for themselves on a daily basis makes me care a lot less about whether I'm going to get yelled at by a stranger for leaving my kid in the car for a minute while I return a shopping cart.
That said, every kid is different. We don't have a yard, so I can't really let the little man roam without supervision, but just this week I started seeing what he does if I have to leave him at the bottom of our front stairs (up from the street and behind a gate) when I've forgotten something inside. Both times he has waited at the bottom of the stairs as instructed. I probably wouldn't do that without the gate, though, because we live on a really busy street, and the stakes if he couldn't manage the impulse control are pretty high. I mean, he's only 2 and a half. I'm sure the leash will get longer as he grows.
Um, also, we live in an apartment. I guess we are those kind of people. Amazing.
-
Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
-
I'd do that too with O, who's 8 1/2. I've been known to let her run to the bathroom alone in restaurants or grocery stores (if I'm not too far from the restrooms and she knows where I'll be and it's not super-crowded). She's very trustworthy. I worry about her playing out front, because we're in townhouses with no front yards, but at least we're far enough down the street that kids can see a car turning into the street and run onto the sidewalk. There's a lot of kids here and the cars are pretty careful.
-
Permalink Reply by Kiwi on -
I was that kid. I became a latch key when I was 7. I would walk 8 blocks home from school and hole up in the house till my brother got home 3-4 hours later. He was in high school and they got out later than elementary and he had extracurriculars.
We moved into the city and I ride the bus home from work everyday. I see tons of K-5 aged kids riding the city bus home from school alone cause there is no school bus service for them. Occasionally there will be an older kid with a younger kid but I see lots of unaccompanied 5, 6, and 7 year olds. The elementary school kids I see who transfer from another bus onto mine are brilliant because mass transit in Houston is shitty and confusing and I can't even successfully transfer.
kommishoner said:I can't help but think about the research I did in law school on workplace productivity, wherein study after study demonstrated that for mid to low-wage workers, the absolute lowest point of productivity for the day was between 3 and 4pm, as parents called home to check in with their kids and make sure they got home from school okay. Many of the parents reported having to leave young kids unsupervised because reliable child care was unavailable or unaffordable. So I guess knowing that five year olds in poor neighborhoods are fending for themselves on a daily basis makes me care a lot less about whether I'm going to get yelled at by a stranger for leaving my kid in the car for a minute while I return a shopping cart.
-
Permalink Reply by Mamawho on
-
In our old neighborhood, the kids ran in a pack and had to check in at at least one house every hour or so. The creek was off limits without an adult, as the edges are had to see because of plants and there are freaky animals there.
We're now in a gated, high-rise condo complex. I haven't yet seen any kids outside. It's also been really fricking hot. But I'm pretty sure it's just that they aren't allowed outside without constant supervision.
I may let GirlWho go to and from the bus stop alone this year. Last year, the bus stop was just too far away and she said she didn't want to go alone. I can see the stop from my window now. Depends who the other kids are.
-
Permalink Reply by wookie on
-
Now that I've had time to read the article:
I have done all of those things, and let my 8 year old into the washroom unsupervised (I could see the door). I have also paid for gas inside and used an atm by the front door with them in the car. Hauling 3 kids out of car seats is just way to freaking much. And who would steal a car with a pissed off toddler, a weepy 5 year old and an 8 year old who wont.stop.talking.ever??
I have to disagree on asking a stranger to watch your kid being a safety issue (long enough to use the bathroom kind of thing). I think it's rude, but I don't think it is likely to be dangerous.
Regarding getting lost in a department store: Do you guys think we teach our kids how to get un-lost anymore? Retracing your steps, who to ask for help, looking for landmarks, that kind of thing? I was taught those things by an aunt at a large amusement park, but I don't know that I've ever thought to teach my own kids that.
-
Permalink Reply by Kiwi on
-
I'm a big fan of pointing out what employees dress like in places where most are in uniform and the kids could get lost in a crowd (museum, zoo, and so on). We let them know that if we get separated that is who they need to find and talk to if they don't see us.
wookie said:Regarding getting lost in a department store: Do you guys think we teach our kids how to get un-lost anymore? Retracing your steps, who to ask for help, looking for landmarks, that kind of thing? I was taught those things by an aunt at a large amusement park, but I don't know that I've ever thought to teach my own kids that.
-
-
Our rule has always been to find someone in a uniform - any uniform. When we've gone places that are really crowded, like the DC Pride parade, I made sure she had all our cell numbers and such on her. She knows them, but if she got lost, she might freak and forget them .
When she was younger, I actually wrote my cell number on her arm in marker. I can't remember where we were - Sea World, maybe. A friend of mine did that with her kid at Mardi Gras, and it's not a terrible idea.
Kiwi said:I'm a big fan of pointing out what employees dress like in places where most are in uniform and the kids could get lost in a crowd (museum, zoo, and so on). We let them know that if we get separated that is who they need to find and talk to if they don't see us.
wookie said:Regarding getting lost in a department store: Do you guys think we teach our kids how to get un-lost anymore? Retracing your steps, who to ask for help, looking for landmarks, that kind of thing? I was taught those things by an aunt at a large amusement park, but I don't know that I've ever thought to teach my own kids that.
© 2012 Created by Offsprunger.
Powered by 
.
