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Unwanted Remarks from the Ex's Girlfriend -- Part 1,256
ARG.
My Ex-husband's girlfriend does not have kids of her own. So she loves these moments when things are clicking along like clockwork. And, since my attention is usually diverted to the tantrum/accident/boo boo/vomit pile/whatever that is currently underway that is supposedly my come-uppance for wanting to be a mother (or something) I'm not on my best game and don't have the come-backs for her snark when they happen. Even though she is sure to repeat herself multiple times.
Tonight I counted. Four times. During the same tantrum.
Seriously, I don't need a peanut gallery. My son, who is trying to work through a lot of head-game crap from his dad (who lives separately from us and is just a jerk) did not need the commentary, either. He was emotionally drained.
So, finally, I told them, "Well its been a lovely visit, let's call it a night."
That was the best I could do. Really, I wanted to smack her. Please, someone, tell me that karma will get her some day?
Yes, I wanted children. I want my children when they are happy and sad and trantruming and vomiting and telling me they hate me. I didn't wake up today thinking I was going to deal with my son's meltdown, but it is humbling to know when this small person is falling apart, it is I who knows how to help him through. Or will just weather the storm with him, as I don't know if I'm always helping. But I'm there.
I'm not sitting on the couch, refreshing my soda, observing from a distance, and making witty banter on the subject.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by wookie on -
Karma is totally waiting for her. It waited for me! I was once an idiot and while I don't think I said that specifically, I'm sure I said ridiculously stupid things.
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Permalink Reply by ruth on -
Dude, you're a stronger woman than I am - I think she would have left my house with a black eye. Or at least she would have left much, much sooner. I don't have a witty comeback but I suck at those..... I'm sure someone else on the board will suggest an awesome one though, and then memorize it and store it away so it's ready the next time she comes to visit.
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Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
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"And you may one day be his stepmom, so why don't I teach you all about dealing with the worst parts of otherwise wonderful and cute kids?"
Who knows, maybe she'll run screaming for the hills, thus also leaving your ex womanless. Win-win for Kat.
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Permalink Reply by Kat on -
I have managed to get them to stay in a hotel when they come down, and she STILL manages to irritate the crap out of me.
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Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
I think snappy comebacks are overrated. Comments like the one you describe her making deserve nothing more than "It makes both me and my child feel like crap when you say that. Please stop." Best part: you can do it right when she says it if you remember or can stop what you're doing, or you can say it later when you've taken a minute to collect yourself, and it still works just as good. IMHO, snappy comebacks don't "win" anything; they just invite argument because people try to out-comeback each other.
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Permalink Reply by Kat on
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Point taken, but I'm no good with the calm and collected ones either. ;) I did manage to ask them to leave, but not right away. I mean, when you are engaged in a meltdown, its hard to deal with anything but the meltdown itself.
Really, it was one of those lead, follow, or get of the way moments. If they couldn't be helpful, they just needed to GO.
And really, what a stupid thing to say! I just don't know what her point is, if she even has one.
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Permalink Reply by kanachick on -
How about "I'm sure you didn't mean that the way it sounded..." and then follow up with the Mom Stare Of Death. kommishioner is right that it's best to stay composed and take on that parent role with this chick - she is rude and out of line so simply letting her know that her comments are unnecessary in parent or teacher tone would be best. It's wicked hard though. Hard to not say "shut the fuck up" at those times.
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Permalink Reply by Kat on
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Yes! And I could see her comment was hurting my son. I don't think he ever thought of himself as something I regret, even at his worst moments. Or as a punishment. He was just a little boy have a tough day, really. Yes, I absolutely did want children. The only one there I didn't want there was her ;)
I told my ex she was out of line and she's not welcome here until she grows up.
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Permalink Reply by Floor Pie on -
Karma will totally get her. I went through a bit of an asshole period in my 20's, resenting other people's babies. I was more polite about it than this chiquita, but still.
I can tell you that at the root of it for me in those days was deep, deep insecurity and perhaps the slightest bit of envy. Nothing to be proud of. But it helps me at least try to be forgiving when people are assholes about my own kids' presence now.
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Permalink Reply by SweetJudyB on -
I love me some snarky comments, but it probably would fuel her fire. I like kommishoner's idea of just flat out calling her out on her remarks and telling her to stop. Anything that comes out of her mouth after that would be mute and definite cause for an escort out the door.
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