An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community

Toilet training... Are boys harder than girls or is it my imagination?

Srsly. This kid will put on fresh pants to wet them rather than go commando and pee In The grass. I thought commando was the uber way for potty training! What am I doing wrong? He'll be three in a month and is pretty sensory, which further perplexes me why he'd want something to pee in.

0 members like this

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bap2 on June 27, 2011 at 6:28pm

Well, I'm not sure what characteristics a "in it for me" kid has, but possibly. He certainly does nothing unless he wants to do it and only then if he can do it perfectly the first time, every time. If we get him to do something and he deems that he has "failed" (like not bat the ball *every* time), he will say matter of faculty, "I'm not good at this" and simply walk away forever.

I think he also hates that we even have conversations regarding his non-use of the potty in his earshot. He hates it that the teachers talk about his day to me without him in the conversation, he doesn't like me relaying that to my husband, he almost had kittens when I was discussing health issues with his doctor at his 3 year checkup. Dont even think about laughing at the cute things he does. There's no laughing with him, only at him. Paranoid schizophrenic? I worry.

I cannot believe I can't get a daignosis on this kid!!!

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by wookie on June 27, 2011 at 7:04pm

I think you're seeing both anxiety and control issues to the point it's causing distress in his day to day life. I don't think paranoid schizoifrenic is in the same ballpark... But I'm not a dr. Obviously.

I can understand that you're fustrayed, and I can only imagine what must be whirring inside his head as well.
I'm also typing on an iPad so apologies for bad spelling.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by jenra on June 27, 2011 at 8:48pm

I remember potty training seeming like a much bigger deal before we tried it than the reality ever was. Someone suggested I buy one of those handheld carpet shampoo thingies, and it did get used! Only a few times for pee though. I have heard that boys are harder to potty train and honestly I think I've heard more horror stories from parents of boys but I have known a few girls who resisted.

We bribed with candy.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by The Oracle on June 28, 2011 at 12:30am

Aw, bap. That sounds really hard. But it does NOT sound like paranoid (or any other kind of) schizophrenia. Anyway, schizophrenia doesn't usually manifest till at least the late teens, so you have a few years before you have to worry about that.

I don't know if you've gone for a psych evaluation but IIRC (grad school was so long ago now!), mostly they don't diagnose children until age six or later. The personality and development are too fluid and too rapidly developing before then to make a positive dx.

But that doesn't mean you can't get help or support. Have you had any help or support (if you don't mind my asking)? Have you read The Highly Sensitive Child? Am I irritating you with unsolicited advice? ;P

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by bap2 on June 28, 2011 at 10:19am

That's interesting, Oracle. I googled "Highly Sensitive Child." They had a quiz. He fits basically none of those criteria. They're pretty good ones, too, like: "complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin." He can sit in his crap until it gives him a welty diaper rash (it has) and he won't say a word or he will hide. "Notices the distress of others"? NOPE. This kid has ZERO empathy. The best one I thought showed that he's actually "insensitive" is "performs best when strangers aren't present." Actually, he ONLY performs for strangers. They can get him to pee at school without tantrums for the most part (at least they get him to sit on the toilet, we can't even HAVE a kid toilet here). He's always performed best "with an audience." (except for the pre-school holiday concert--total stage fright). Whenever he'd go in for OT, PT, speech, he'd do the minimal they need but he was never even remotely that good at home.

I kind of wonder if Wookie is more on the right track with some kind of underlying anxiety. I honestly don't think I could live in pre-school brain. That's probably why I don't remember much:).

Gem from today. He's banging his cars together. I say, "Why must they always crash. Can't they HUG and LOVE?" He gives me this look and goes, "NO, they don't have ARMS."

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by MamatothaMax on June 28, 2011 at 11:21am

The power of Peer pressure. The boys were more interested in going potty when in child care or spending the day with their cousins (the same age and potty training at the same time). That could be why he's doing it at school.

With all the changes at home perhaps this is the one thing that he feels he has control. At least that's what I've seen with my boys and their reactions to periods of transition.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by The Oracle on June 28, 2011 at 12:51pm

I guess I was thinking more about the perfectionism wrt sensitivity. But I agree that a lot of it sounds more like anxiety and control issues than sensitivity. I haven't read "Freeing Your Child From Anxiety," because we just ended up taking him out of school altogether, but it is sitting on my bookshelf at the ready. Because I know someday I will need it.