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The Thumb! The Potty! HELP!
Ok OS peeps, I need your help, two times!
My 3 year old, Dani...my sensitive little drama queen.
She's brilliant--really, turned 3 in December and is nearly ready for kindergarten milestone-wise.
Except for two things.
The thumb.
The potty.
She sucks her thumb; not all the time, but when she's tired, sleeping or upset. The dentist says I need to try to curb this habit. I've got a rule that there's no thumb sucking unless she's in bed. Often, and more so lately since the imposition of said rule, I will see her holding a stuffed animal near her face so she can slyly suck her thumb. I remind her, "Dani, no thumbs," and she generally stops for a bit. Sometimes she gets a little upset and tells me that she really really likes to suck her thumb. I've talked to her about her teeth, etc., but to no avail. It seems like it has become more of a thing for her since I have made it an issue.
She's a gagger, so I don't want to put yukky tasting stuff on her thumb.
I cringe at the wrist plastic thingies that encases the thumb.
I don't know what to do but her teeth are starting to stick out and IT HAS TO STOP. Help.
And, if that's not fun enough, she will pee on the potty and nothing more. Granted some of this is our fault because we have a 20 month old and a 5 month old, so we aren't really diligent about regular 45 minute potty breaks. When Big Man notices her diaper is dry he puts her on the potty and she goes. But she won't poop on it. She really has no interest in potty training. She wanted underwear, and we got them. She wore them, and peed in them. No shame. She asked if she could pee on the floor again. She also dropped a deuce in them. So we went back to diapers. I had the "you're turning 3" talk with her and told her we needed to try hard to use the potty because 3's when you start, and the diapers were getting small. She informed me that we needed to get bigger diapers.
Any cool bribe ideas?
Any ideas on how to get over the issue with the pooping on the potty? It's happened about 2 times in the year of casual potty use, but only because she was already sitting there, not because she told us she had to.
We are laid back about this stuff and don't pressure her about it but she's getting hard to lift to change. 35 pounds wreaks havoc on your back when lifting onto a changing table!
HELP!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by bap2 on
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God this sounds like my son turning three. I got completely different advice from the pediatric dentist. He said and front lower incisor damage was probably already done, it happens in their sleep anyways, and by drawing attention to it, it just made it worse. He told us to stay chill about it until the permanent teeth come in. He also said the worst case scenario is braces. As I has braces anyways and my husband has crooked teeth, it's probably a given, so I just let it go. It decreased dramatically in the past 6 months. He will be 4 in 10 days. Obviously follow your dentists opinion, but if he/she has no real solid plan then how are you supposed to magically come up with the answer? This is his/her ballpark!
Screw potty training, that sucked and I hate that I have to do it again! My kid could have given a flying flip about it. He'd sit in mess, loved diapers, etc. Only when he had a super crush on the new preschool teacher and she said, "You know what would be awesome?! Peeing and pooping on the potty!" since she was the arbiter of cool--it happened. He was 3 years 8 months and the last in his class to do it. But now, mere months later, you would never know it. He was not into bribery, but did appreciate a large toy incentive when he went on the training potty and another when we could get rid of the trainer for the regular potty. I think if I would have spent 8 months following him around with m&ms we'd all have killed each other. What's her motivation? I also found backing off completely decreased stress too.
Now we just have to conquer flushing with consistency and aim. Oy the aim. So gross. Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
I don't know about the thumb, as mercifully the little man is not a thumb fan. But it sounds like maybe the potty training readiness is still cooking a little bit for her - the stuff you described sounds exactly like what the little man did until he was almost 3.5. I think getting all the timing stuff down was a little overwhelming for him. If you're okay with doing some laundry, one method is to just let her soil underwear so she gets to a point where she dislikes the sensation, but if she feels the need to go has the right clothing on to get the process right. If you're less okay with it, you might try and time wearing underwear for times when you're pretty sure she's not going to need to poop anytime soon (like right after she went). That way she gets practice but you're not cleaning up yucky underwear. But, y'know, she'll figure it out. I swear, I was in despair for a couple of months thinking the little man was going to be pooping in his underwear at his high school graduation or something, but gradually he got better and better at it, and now he's got the timing exactly right. So don't worry, she'll be fine!
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Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
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Big O resisted the potty for a while. We put some new board books near the potty that were ONLY for potty reading (including that little curly haired girl who poops in her pot and is proud). I'd take her in with me and have her sit and read, taking my time. She would often accidentally pee while she was there and I said "good job". Pooping took an extra 6 months, but eventually it hapoened when she was ready. Ebay took a damn long time getting the pooping down. She had her undies after her third birthday and was oblivious to the poop coming out in them. But eventually she got it.
As for the thumbsucking, it's really hard to break bad habits! Ebay is a nose-picker. I make her wash her hands when I catch her at it, "so we don't spread germs". It's not completely stopped, but almost.
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Permalink Reply by ks on -
I don't have any experience with the thumb, but we have friends whose son will be 5 in a few weeks and he only just started using the toilet (for peeing and pooping) a couple of months ago. And he still wears a diaper at night (and wakes up wet in the morning). Poor D despaired for months that he'd even progress this far and she's still worried about the night issues. But that kid is the most stubborn child I've ever seen and *any* suggestion that he do something that he is not 100% up for results in more resistance that I could deal with. We vacation with them every year and he's a really sweet and mostly well behaved kid, and *very* smart, but that boy has issues about some things that she's way more patient with than I'd be able to be.
And on the pooping front--my almost little brother was the same way. He's pee on the toilet, but when he had to poop he'd ask for a diaper and then go into a corner or room by himself and do it. He also had some constipation issues, though, and we all (including his doctor at the time) figured that had something to do with it. Introducing lots more fiber into his diet when he was at my mom's (because his mom didn't push that sort of thing and basically just let him eat whatever, even at 3-4) helped some. If I remember right, he was still close to 5 before he would consistently go on the toilet. But he's a perfectly healthy, happy, and well adjusted 17 year old now and it doesn't seem like any of this has affected him in the long run.
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Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
I sucked my thumb. My parents decided to go with the nuclear option and the dentist installed something with metal prongs sticking down from the roof of my mouth. If I tried to suck my thumb after that I would impale myself.
It's always seemed a bit extreme to me.
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Permalink Reply by Boring User Name on -
Yeah, I thought most dentist and doctor types said not to worry about the thumb-sucking because it fades out by the time when most kids lose their baby teeth. (Although you all offer interesting info about the damage already being done anyway). And most of our three-going-on-four friends whose kids engaged in such things, the kids are still doing it although less and less. So, I personally wouldn't stress.
I have no advice on the potty, but good luck! You'll make it.
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Permalink Reply by wookie on -
From what I see at daycare it's not unusual to not be potty trained right at 3. Somewhere between 2 and 4 seems to be the norm (and I know that's a big range). Our one daycare teacher I think specifically stated "If they haven't *started* the process of potty training as they turn three, that's a little late, but no one really expects every 3 year old to be totally done with diapers. Some are, but most aren't."
The hive mind mentality of daycare really did help with all three of my kids for potty training. For all of them, having the dexterity and balance to pull their own pants up and down was pretty crucial as well.
I think our youngest (who is the only one that is recent ;-) we tried 2 or 3 times to get him interested, bribes, practicing, reading, etc. etc. and he was NOT having any part of it. Then not long before his 3rd birthday decided he was ready, and within a couple of days, that was it. No preamble, no practicing, no interest, nothing. Still wears a diaper at night (he's 3.5 now).
If you wait until it's warmer, you can even let her go pants-less when possible which should give her a little more awareness about what is going on.... taking away the safety net, as it were.
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Permalink Reply by DLBK on -
I tried potty training at 2.5, and every bribe offered, sticker chart, books, etc, failed. He decided he was ready right before his 3rd birthday and he was in underwear with almost no accidents in one month. He's almost 4 and we just stopped night-time diapers three weeks ago; so far so good. Not all kids potty train before or right at 3.
My son sucks his index finger a lot. He's almost 4 and there is no getting him to stop. While we talk to him about only sucking the finger at bedtime, he puts it in his mouth all the time. We were at a birth party this weekend and I saw a 6.5 year old sucking her thumb. It's not unheard of.
While I never sucked my finger in public for very long, I remember what got me to finally stop sucking it at night: nail polish. I was 14 and started wearing nail polish and got annoyed with the polish on the index finger being gone every morning. Yes, 14.
I'm not saying your daughter will still be sucking her thumb in 11 years, just that doing at 3 isn't so bad. I thought it was fine as long as it stopped before the permanent teeth come in.
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Permalink Reply by bethany on -
That's horrifying. But effective.
mcglory13 said:I sucked my thumb. My parents decided to go with the nuclear option and the dentist installed something with metal prongs sticking down from the roof of my mouth. If I tried to suck my thumb after that I would impale myself.
It's always seemed a bit extreme to me.
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Permalink Reply by Zealflyer on -
Yup, the little dude wasn't totally toilet trained until about 3 3/4. We pushed him a bit by taking away the diapers and putting him into real underwear. Also, bribed with a nightly treat for a "no accidents" day. In retrospect, I do think it had more to do with him being ready than anything we did though. At almost four and a half, he is fully night-trained and really never has accidents.
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