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The 35+ Peak: Myth or Fact?

Is it true that men's sexuality peaks in the late teens and women's peaks after 35, or is that just an old wive's tale? I remember actually learning this in health class in high school of all places, but that doesn't necessarily make it true.

I have to say, ages 35-38 weren't all that peaky for me (mostly because I was having babies and breastfeeding during those years) Ages 39-40, though . . . that's starting to look like a different story. Is this the fabled peak, or just some pre-menopausal tweak-out, or simply my body putting itself back together after all the disruption? Or does it even matter? Is the "peak" a myth or fact?

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Permalink Reply by Lea on October 22, 2009 at 9:55am

Nope, I am just starting having kids. And even now as a pregnant lady I am so freakin horny, lol. And I see the guys in the check out line etc and have very hot thoughts too, lol.

TommysMommy said:

I wonder if being done having kids affects your reactions as well. I'm 33 and pretty sure we are done with the kids now that we have the two. Maybe once you've permanently dealt with the issue of getting pregnant (one way or another), you are able to really relax and enjoy the moment. I know that even when I was on the pill and crazy about taking it at the same time every day, there was always a niggle in the back of my mind that I could still get pregnant.

I do think that being really comfortable with yourself and your partner just increases the odds of having really good sex. I know our sex life has just gotten better over time.

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Permalink Reply by G to the G on October 23, 2009 at 11:01am

dunno let you know in a few years... i'm hoping i'm working up to another hornball phase. goodness know i has a walking horn dog in my early - mid 20s... i fell like i've hit a lull... i'm 31ish

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Permalink Reply by sasychica on October 24, 2009 at 8:45am

There might be a couple of things going on for me-I am almost 35, have new partner, and am done having kids (got an IUD a few months back and that has helped alleviate fears of unwanted pregnancies)...but I am having the best sex of my life! More and waaaay better than in my 20's. Really enjoying my "Friend". I suppose it started off just having crazy great sex and friendship, but now it is turning into a "love" thing (crazy great sex, friendship, and emotional connection). I can be really, really freaky with him and he is just as freaky, if not more so, than I am. He is totally willing to try new things, it's never boring (wonder if it will be in 10 years?), he is an amazing partner. Being able to connect in such an intimate, physical and emotional, way with my "friend" after 10 years in an unhappy marriage has been an amazing experience.
So yeah, 35-ish is definitely a peak for me. I feel really lucky.

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Permalink Reply by Ellie on October 24, 2009 at 10:07pm

Well, now that I'm not worried about getting pregnant (Love you, tubal! Kisses! Signed, your bff Ellie.) it's much better.

I definitely don't have the rampant crazy sex drive I had when I was in my early early 20s, but the quality of our sex life is so much better, even if the quantity can never compare (which is fine by me, because I srsly would not be able to handle an 8 hour boinkfest at this point in my life. My dainty bits would go on strike, I think.)

My sex drive in general has been pretty dismal lately and I think it's just because it feels like I have children circling me like sharks all of the time and it's almost impossible for us to find the opportunity to have sex (especially since he works nights) so when we CAN find time, it's hard for me to switch from mommy to sex kitten mode, and my husband has a really hard time understanding that. He humps my leg all day long and doesn't understand why it irritates the fuck out of me. Dude, I'm trying to cook dinner and your daughter just dumped the basket of clean laundry on the floor and is currently throwing it all in the air and all over the room so can you not grind up on my ass right this second and instead HELP ME THE FUCK OUT WITH THESE KIDS?

Sorry to go off on a rant there. I'm a little bitter right now.

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Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on October 25, 2009 at 8:08am

I think the peak thing quite frankly, is BS. I think it has more to do with how many insecurities a girl grew up with, and how long it takes to get rid of them. I suspect that for a lot of women, we don't get really comfortable with ourselves until later in life. I wasn't exactly the most positive and secure teen or young adult, that's for sure. My confidence with myself and with my partner didn't happen until much later.

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Permalink Reply by Lea on October 25, 2009 at 8:36am

I agree and I think a lot of it has to do with how comfortable and secure you are letting go with your partner, even on a completely subconscious level.

mightyninjamom said:

I think the peak thing quite frankly, is BS. I think it has more to do with how many insecurities a girl grew up with, and how long it takes to get rid of them. I suspect that for a lot of women, we don't get really comfortable with ourselves until later in life. I wasn't exactly the most positive and secure teen or young adult, that's for sure. My confidence with myself and with my partner didn't happen until much later.

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Permalink Reply by Lojo on October 27, 2009 at 3:57pm

For me, yes...but later than 35-38. Hubby and I had been waiting for the alleged peak since age 30. Didn't hit me until about age 45. Once it hit...watch out! I can't get enough! In fact, the other night I was explaining to my husband that I NEED it now...not just want it and he said, "then you'll have to be nice to me". I thought, "when did you become a woman?" and "when did I become a man?". Certainly a role reversal from the conversations we had 20 years ago.

The downside of the peak...since my cycles were irregular and I needed fertility meds for my three kids I've never had to really worry about birth control. For some reason at about age 45 (can you say hormone related?) my cycles got regular and my libido kicked into overdrive. At age 47 I found myself pregnant (surprise!...sniff, sniff...I have a 22 year old...how can I have a baby?). I am now in the unusual position of having to think about birth control for the first time in my life! And with the increased NEED, I can't always think straight or wait for the appropriate "interventions".