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Take My Kids...Please!

Now that we have two kids and are rapidly approaching middle age, my husband and I thought about making some kind of will. This doesn't really pertain much to "the fine china goes to...." because we don't have anything that's nice, but more along the lines of child custody and such. I'm wondering how others have done this, and perhaps might be in our situation.

Both sets of grandparents are ill-equipped for child rearing. All are over 65 and my mother is disabled to the point where my father cares for her 90% of his waking hours (sad because they are THE. BEST. 'RENTS. EVAR.) My husband has divorced parents. His mother is enjoying her child-free life finally and his father couldn't raise a healthy house plant let alone children. We haven't seen him in years anyways. I am an only child. My husband has a sister, who has told us if something happened to us she would facilitate the boys going into the foster system, "because strangers are better than I am with kids." She speaks the truth.

I have 11 aunts and uncles ranging in ages from 42-70. Some have kids, some don't. They're all wonderful. If something happened to us today, I have no doubt they would band together and find some kind of make-shift solution that would give the boys family and support them. I just don't want to put this all on one person, especially if they are advanced in age. I know this shouldn't matter, but the people we thought might be best equipped just threw their hat in the Bachmann ring this weekend and hold slightly cringeworthy political views.

So does anyone have a will where family doesn't get the kids but friends do? We have some really great friends in Minnesota (like, real Minnesotans--not Bachmannites:)). They told us they would take the older one when he was a baby, but now that we have 2, they said, "Well...try not to die." They live comfortably in about 1300 sq. ft with 2 boys and 2 bedrooms, but I dunno about 4 boys:). Should I ask them seriously? Especially if it comes with a load of money that's enough to buy a new, bigger house? I have no problem leaving them everything. My family would understand and my husband's probably wouldn't know we were dead for years before they bobbed up to ask.

Otherwise, they'll have to be raised by the OS commune. Who wants them? Does anyone here not have *anything* in place and just worries about this constantly?

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Permalink Reply by rommie on July 11, 2011 at 9:24am

I'd ask your friends. We actually did something similar, though I'm still trying to convince the Engineer to get it legalized and all. My father was abusive while my brother and I were growing up--not as bad as some, but bad enough--and my mom turned a blind eye. No kid of mine will ever live with them. My father-in-law is utterly psychotic, so there's a far greater chance of a restraining order than a will with his or his wife's name in it. My brother loves the Moose, but he doesn't want kids, and I don't see him ever being stable enough anyway. His sisters are good people, but they aren't raising their kids at all like we're raising ours, and that's too close to their dad for my comfort. So...we're out of family.

Instead, we asked Moose's former daycare providers, with whom we've become friends. They are two of the most amazing people I've ever met with kids. They have two teenage daughters who are well-behaved, intelligent, and going to be productive adults someday. They go to our church and live in the same school district that we do. They live in proximity to members of both my family and the Engineer's, but aren't members of either. They aren't wealthy by any means--you don't get rich running a home daycare--but they have their heads screwed on straight and I would trust them to handle the money that would come with being the guardians for my child. Best of all, they love the little man, and he adores them.

I don't envy them the position they would end up in if anything happened to both my husband and me. I would not put it past my in-laws to try to kidnap the Moose, and trying to juggle time with both families is hard enough for us, even though we're related to them. Still, they're by far our best option, and they were honored that we'd trust them like this (as well as undoubtedly relieved that we're both young, healthy, and not involved in the mafia). I wouldn't have it any other way.