Ok, I get it... Kids will be kids. Shit happens. Pushing, shoving, bumps, bruises, etc... but this...this is pissing me off...and I need some help not going all mama bear on a 5 yr old. So, all read on and give me some level headed advice...
Today I went to pick up El D from pre-school (summer camp) and perky little blonde behind the counter informed me I had an 'accident' report to review... I was thinking uh-oh skinned knee, etc from the playground. Uh, no. A fight. Apparently El D and another boy were in the bathroom and Shithead (yes, I'm calling a 5 yr old a shithead) said to El D "You have to fight me to get by"... El D proceeds to try to walk by...Shithead grabs El D, punches, scratches, chokes, and pushes him into a wall.. Apparently that's when the aides finally made their way to the bathroom to break it up. El D has a bump on the side of his head, bruises on his neck (not the deep black and blue kind but still) and didn't want to tell me about it... When I got him in the car I asked how his day was and breezed right over it... Until I sat him down and told him that he can tell mommy anything, its important to tell mom when people hurt you, people aren't allowed to lay their hands on you, etc, etc -- El D told me what happened and demonstrated it. El D isn't sad, unhappy, or even complaining about going back to school tomorrow... he also didn't bring it up again after we talked about it.
So *deep breath* tomorrow I'm going to do the following:
1) Ask to speak to the adult that broke it up to hear what they saw
2) Tell the director that El D is not to go the potty with another kid. Ever. (the practice in public school is one at a time - why it isn't in pre-school I don't understand)
3) Tell the director from now on if El D has as much as a wet fart at school I.WANT.A.PHONE.CALL (I wasn't called after the incident)
4) Ask the director if Shithead's behavior is being addressed and how (and if this is the first incident vs singling out El D)...and did Shithead get sent home for the day (which is the regulation for any violence in any school/daycare here)
- The school hasn't told me who Shithead is... El D did.
- Small town note - I grew up with Shithead's mother...who is also (not surprisingly) a shithead.
So, Hivemind - what would you do?
- The 'accident' reports are filed with the state and reviewed...So, I did decide to not escalate it out side of the school.
- The director did a wonderful job following up, retracing the 'event', providing feedback, and agreeing to what I requested.
- I asked for documentation, the phone call thing was huge, bathroom time is to be a singular activity for El D, etc. I also spoke with his teacher (this is summer camp) -- and interestingly enough kommish she mentioned exactly what you did...and said that she would focus on that with El D (each we talk about what needs to be focused on, behavior or lessons, etc). We did discuss the SH in private (the teacher and I) and kommish you nailed it again (2 points!) -- she really believes what you stated in the last part of your paragraph. I tend to agree. The SH is around a lot of older cousins that well frankly are rednecks... I can see where he could take the brunt of their crap being the youngest cousin in the family.
- It was a good lesson for El D even if it was scary as shit for me...and he isn't having and residual stress, etc from it (yet)...
As my mother warned me (present company excluded) - hell is other parents. sigh.
Thanks again for everyone here... I appreciate your thoughtful answers and insights...and always taking a minute to respond. Much appreciated.