I'm so, so sorry, DLBK. I'm thinking of you, and can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. So many internet hugs for you.
I found this essay by one of my favorite authors about parenting an only after a miscarriage. I hope it resonates in some way that is helpful to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hi, I am late in joining this because I am having my second miscarriage in less than a year right now. Both have been about 12 weeks, both physically painful, like a mini-labor. I was up last night losing literally piles of blood, crying for the physical pain. Having the aching breasts and morning sickness with no promise of a baby was terrible. That's gone now, though.