An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
Just don't
take on your kids in a homework argument when you are feeling inadequate about your own success. I know homework is supposed to be their process, but some of the stuff that leaves this house has been appalling. The phrase ,"you have to do it over" - them's fightin' words.
Plus, he doesn't seem to think that other kids work hard, so he doesn't have to either. The fact that his friends are all a bit spoiled and entitled doesn't seem to cross their mind. If he has to work harder to get the same result as others, he feels inferior to the other kids, and that's death. I can sort of see the validity of that point of view.
I hate myself for yelling at him over this. It's incredibly damaging to our relationship. But what kind of life is he going to have handing in mediocre work?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by wookie on -
It drives me insane too, the mediocrity. I don't know how to push a kid to actually use their brains instead of just do the most half-assed job they can justify so that they can get back to Calvin & Hobbes or whatever craft they'd rather be doing.
-
Permalink Reply by Floor Pie on -
I don't know, YYW. In my corporate-world days, I saw some pretty astoundingly mediocre work from my (successful) superiors. How is he at networking? That's what really counts.
-
Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
Hmm... I wonder how much of this is worth fighting over? I ask for a few reasons. 1) studies about how homework in and of itself isn't helpful unless it is thoughtful homework that actually enhances learning. 2) my parents didn't give a damn about my homework, except that they expected certain levels of achievement out of me. That is: they did not micromanage, but if I did not meet target goals bad, bad things happened. 3) I did not learn to do actual work of quality and manage my time effectively until I got to grad school. I think I did a pretty good job in college, much better than many of the kids I teach these days, but as far as hard core solid work goes, it was grad school when I learned that. And the only reason I learned that was because I wanted to. Nothing anybody else had said or did would have mattered to me up until that point.
If it were my kid, I would probably take the hands off approach mostly, and if I intervened it would be to point out the whys of things. Why this assignment was required. What skills this assignment was looking to reinforce or to help learn. If there aren't those things, it would be hard for me to get too up in arms about it. Other than that, I think there are places I could help my kid with organization and study techniques, but intrinsic motivation is far, far more valuable than extrinsic, and so I can't do anything to MAKE him see the need if he doesn't.
-
Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
-
I dunno, YoYo, I'm actually with you. I don't allow Big O to turn in slipshod work, either. If I know she can do better, I have her do better, then tell her I'm proud of her doing her best work, and her teacher will be, too. Kids may hate us from time to time, but they do love them some teacher appreciation.
Knowing how she functions, which is to say a lot like me (smart, absorbs the info but homework is not terribly important), I do this because the only reason I graduated with a 2.5 and not a 4.0 is because I did a half-assed job on homework or never bothered at all. I know if I give in now, she'll only get more lazy.
-
Permalink Reply by YoYoWannaBe on -
Thanks for all your insights. I vacillate between hands off and " do it or else I tie them to the mast and flog them until morale improves." Last year was the hands off year, and I was not entirely impressed with the results. I want them to have their own learning process, and I want it to be their best work. But I can't control their lives.
-
Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on
-
I wonder if it might be helpful to focus on activities that improve intrinsic motivation and executive function and not worrying about the homework as much? Root causes versus proximate?
-
Permalink Reply by YoYoWannaBe on
-
Of course but in the meantime, while I get there, they still need to get their work done.
But I still need them to do their work even when motiviation is not quite aligned. I have trouble with this myself, so I can't exactly find the way through it myself, either. So, I guess it's time for laundry.
-
Permalink Reply by Kiwi on -
This is the truth and the light.
Floor Pie said:How is he at networking? That's what really counts.
-
Permalink Reply by DLBK on -
Mediocrity out of laziness would drive me crazy, too. My kid is only 3, but schooling scares me already. I went to school in Eastern Europe through 8th grade; school was very serious, very rigorous, and the expectations were sky-high. We always had lots of homework and my mother always checked it (when I was in elementary school) and expected it to be done well.
When I moved here the expectations were the same from my parents, despite me not speaking much English at the time.
I know my expectations of my kid will be very high, probably higher than most other parents'. I don't know how he'll react and how we'll deal as a family.
I think expecting your kids to do their homework well makes sense. It's hard to justify it when the assignment might not be great, but in life you don't always get to do what makes sense.
-
Permalink Reply by wookie on
-
I think from my kids, it's seeing the messy, half-assed effort when you know damn well they can do far, far better that drives me insane. Because it's about ethic. If you don't value doing your best on something, no amount of carrot or stick will ever change the fact that you. are. mediocre. Let's face it... potential is delightful, but the proof is in the pudding.
And who wants to think of their kid (or themselves) as mediocre? Who wants their kid to have a crap work ethic?
I understand myglory's theory based points, but I have no practical things to compare them to so it's like comparing pie to cake.
-
Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on
-
Wookie, I don't really understand what you mean about what I said, but I don't think I said anything different than you?
-
Permalink Reply by ruth on -
I do think doing one's best on homework, even if it seems like busywork, is still important. I mean, if Sam was coming home with NOTHING but busy work, I'd address it with the teacher(s), but I've actually be fairly impressed with the amount (appropriate) and type of assignments he's been doing in middle school. And let's face it, throughout life we are still occasionally going to have to do things in our jobs that we think are pointless, but have to get done anyway, and I happen to think that even on jobs like that I should do my very best, and I want my children to feel the same way.
© 2012 Created by Offsprunger.
Powered by
