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how do you make IRL friendships?
I had no problems making friends in school, but now that i'm not at school anymore, I don't seem to have many places to turn to for making friends. I know people, i know LOTS of people, but I feel a complete disconnect from most of them. maybe it's me. it's probably me really.
i've tried making friends with my son's play-friend's parents but i think i'm just too weird for them. one actually said that to me. "god, you're just so... weird. i don't even know why we're friends." needless to say that was the last time we ever spoke.
i'm not as outgoing as i used to be, probably because of all the rejection i've felt. i'd introduce one friend to another and they would hit it off and then i wouldn't be getting calls from either one anymore. shit like that has happened a lot to me over the last 10 years.
even my BFF seems to not have time for me. I try to get together with her, but she always has other things going on or won't commit to anything with me. she has plenty of time for her SIL, but i feel like i just don't measure up on the importance scale anymore. when i tried to tell her that i was feeling very lonely these days and i'm having a hard time connecting with new people she basically told me it's my fault because i'm just not putting out that i'm fun. or something. while she's probably right, i guess i just needed some understanding and a coffee date. not blame. i know i'm not the life of the party right now. i'm dealing with some crappy shit and i need a friend that i can talk to. i don't even need to talk about all the crappy shit. just talk about anything!
anyway, how do you do it? how do you meet new people? how do you meet new people when you don't feel your best? how do you make connections to other parents when you can't really tell what you have in common?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rommie on -
I have the opposite problem. I have a fair number of close friends--wonderful people who have stuck by me through thick and thin, who I love dearly and trust implicitly. We were friends before Moose arrived on the scene, but the majority of them have kids a few years older than him. We're all involved in living history together, but I actually met the first couple by babysitting their son at an LH event, and the rest I met through them. It probably helps that we met through a common activity, so at least we were bound to have a few things to talk about. The problem is that the closest of them lives over two hours away. Several of you live closer to them than I do. It's an ongoing issue that probably won't resolve any time soon.
Locally, I've got no one. I hate this town and can't stand most of the people in it any more than they like me. I've been hanging out with a couple other people who have young kids, and they range from making comments about how I'm torturing my kid and should have him taken from me (for letting him sleep in a crib, putting him in a stroller when it's the most convenient option, giving him Tylenol to bring down a dangerously high fever...yeah, that type) to being nice enough but really having nothing in common with me other than the kids. The best of them seems to find me amusing in my different-ness, but even she's made a few crappy comments, like telling me that any potential future daughter of mine would grow up "demented" because of a toy I liked. She's very girly-girly and pop culture-ish; I'm, uh, not.
I don't know how to meet others here, though, because there's just nothing going on that I want to go do where I could meet people. Awesomely cool activities I've tried to help start up have flopped or, in one case, attracted only people too weird even for me. Oh, wait, I did meet a few people with whom I got along really well--the husbands of some of the meh women. It's seemingly impossible to form a totally platonic friendship with a married guy without someone freaking out, though, or at least it is here. Dude, we're geeking out about Firefly...join us or get over it.
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Permalink Reply by Kathleen on -
I agree with what everyone else has said. And if you can find a magic answer please let me know. I've tried numerous mom's groups but either because of my age or my schedule I'm just not able to make friends. I'll be 26 in July so not THAT young but with my personality, I'm stuck in the middle. I don't act like a stereotypical young(ish) mom so I don't get along too well with my coworkers in that regard and the older moms in mom's groups are very click-ish or look down at me because I'm so young. I can't win either way!
And, I've also been screwed over by lots of "friends" in the past so it's hard for me to really make close friends anymore. And I'm an amazing friend, I don't know why it always happens! Also another reason why I don't have facebook, I'm actually afraid to get it because I think it'll make me feel more alone than I already do.
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Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on -
Kathleen - you might be surprised by the facebook thing. I have somehow gotten 158 friends on there. I didn't know I even knew that many people! Also, I tend not to make friends with a big groups, so when I passed 100, I was incredibly surprised. For instance, my social butterfly younger sister has something like 500 friends. Are all these people I chat with every day? Nope. A lot of them don't even post on facebook that often, or don't post to me directly. But facebook has been a good way for me to keep in touch with the folks I DO like to talk to every day - most of them OS'ers that live out-of-state. I'd say I have a core of my favorites that I use FB for to 'talk' to on a regular basis. It's not as good as real life, but it's better than the alternative of feeling completely and utterly alone.
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Permalink Reply by SweetJudyB on -
I have some close friends from college and a previous job, but they all live at least 2 hours away. My current job doesn't lend itself to much more than friendly acquaintances that lead to after work meet ups every few months.
I try to make new mom friends, but most of them around me are SAHM and since I work our schedules never mesh. Also, since hubby and I work, most of our free time is hopefully spent together. I naively thought I would have a great network of mom friends by now, but I have only one or two.
I am on FB and really enjoy keeping in touch with people I otherwise wouldn't chat with very often. I don't know any OS folks on FB, sounds like they're on there though....
And I had a sticker for a long time on my address book that said "weird is good"
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Permalink Reply by Future Fox on -
Stalk me. I can be a good friend...really. :)
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Permalink Reply by Annaevilred on -
A - I'd totally hang out with you. I bet you could help me whip up my Norse Goddess/Princess outfit for the big 50 party we are having next month.
Ohhh, and when I buy tickes for Burning Man you would not be all "you paid how much to sit in the desert with no hotel or spa???"
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Permalink Reply by Andromeda on -
nope! i'd say, "FUCK YEAH SISTER! BRING IT OOOOOOON!!" and then i'd be all, "where are you camping? who are you camping with? wanna camp with us? what kind of costumes are you bringing? wanna order some EL wire together for a discount? what kind of beer are you bringing?" and on and on and on... i would be so stoked if you came out for that!! seriously, if you ever decide to do it, let me know. we actually just bought a camper today that can sleep 4-6 people. so yeah, um, COME OUT HERE!! we'll kidnap Future Fox and take her out there and it will be fun. :)
Annaevilred said:
A - I'd totally hang out with you. I bet you could help me whip up my Norse Goddess/Princess outfit for the big 50 party we are having next month.
Ohhh, and when I buy tickes for Burning Man you would not be all "you paid how much to sit in the desert with no hotel or spa???"
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