Dang- it's been dead around here. How' bout I bitch about how hard it's becoming to get us out the door on time for school/work ? I tried talking with him to come up with solutions, but he's taken to using my words against me. "Well, I'm going to make it hard for us to get out the door this morning- nahnah!"
My one big trigger is being late. He knows it. I try to take my sail out of his wind and not take the bait, but some times it pushes me to tears. He seems happy about that. I mainly try to stay calm and just repeat "It's time to go", I try not to lecture or threaten. I've had to physically carry him out the door, put him in his carseat. That won't fly much longer. I wish I could act like a 5 year old, tell him I'll throw away his legos, or take away his tv time. The only thing I can think of is to start our routine 30 minutes early, to plan for him digging his heels in. I can't do this 5 mornings a week for the rest of his school career. Rewards don't seem to work, and any sort of logical discipline leads him to dig his heels in harder. He seems fine once we get to the building. Parent-Teacher conferences are next week- not sure what to expect.
Maybe I can label him with that oppositional defiant disorder? what's the cure for that again??
Bribery? When you have your shoes, coat and backpack on, you can have a gummi bear. When all your buckles are done up in the car, you can have a tic tac. Something like that? My kid is weirdly in love with tic tac candy.
Its not acting like a 5 year old to show him there are consequences for deliberate bad behavior - take those privileges away once you are sure you have set him up to succeed (are you actually giving him a reasonable amount of time to do the required elements? is that time reasonable for his age and ability? have you done the prep work to get out the door with no unexpected or emergency requirements?). If he TELLS you he is trying to make you late then it is perfectly reasonable to replace tv time with age appropriate extra chore time (help me with dishes, etc.)
I'm sorry to say it, but you might actually need the extra half hour for the rest of his school life - some kids just need longer to get it together in the morning, just like some adults. My teenagers still need more than an hour to get out the door. That includes some time to sit and stare into space or read or wonder in circles kicking a ball - but when I try to "streamline" their routine to let them (and me!) get more sleep it ALWAYS backfires by the third day.
Oh - I almost forgot:
The best parenting tip I got in an education class was to remember the difference between a bribe and a reward. A bribe is given BEFORE the desired behavior and tends to lead to more bad behavior, while a reward is given AFTER desired behaviors. We all get through the day for the little rewards that matter to us (If I get up without killing the kids, I can have a cup of coffee. If I can get through the day without killing my boss, I'll get paid. If I can get through the afternoon errands without killing the idiot in front of me in line, I can have a glass of wine....hmmmm, maybe I'm setting the bar a little low...)
There isn't anything wrong with finding the little rewards that work for your kids but I would avoid the bribes like a plague.
I wish I had something to tell you - that was not a battle my kids decided to invest in. If you really think he has ODD, I would try to find someone qualified to get that diagnosis ASAP, if only for your peace of mind and to give you some tactics with how to deal with his behavior. I think it is Andromeda who has some experience with this, actually.
Otherwise, I'd have to go with scaring the crap out of him.
Desperate times, desperate measures and whatnot.
3 ok mornings in a row. been giving myself as much time buffer as I can. yes, we're trying out tictacs as a reward.
yes, I do think there may be some underlying stuff going on in his little brain that doesn't respond to "normal" parenting tactics, so we're trying out a little therapy. no shame in our game.
I'm under the impression that 'normal' tactics are kind of a sham. I know for me, my oldest seems to think we have some sort of grand rivalry going. It's what spurs a lot of his behavior. Once he thinks he has to 'beat' me at something, it's all over.
mnm, my youngest gets in the same kind of battle royale mindset, but mostly with me. my spouse ends up acting as the neutralizer/tiebreaker/whatever. He's my only boy. I don't know if it's personality or what but it's really damn frustrating. I say "Time to put on your shoes", instant battle. Anyone else says "time to put on your shoes", no problem.
Yes Wookie. Sometimes it's out of the blue- we'll be going along just fine, then BAM! One simple request turns into a huge thing. He'll even make completely unrelated "threats"- "If you don't build me this lego creation then I'm not going to eat your food for 3 days!" ARRGH.
This morning was another "I'm not going to school" morning, just as we need to brush teeth and go (he has great timing). But we had some time to spare and I was determined to stay calm. It felt like I just waited him out and bored him into compliance by just repeating "It's time to go, It's time to brush teeth".