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Friends with Benefits and Gender Politics
I'm not as smart as some of you folks on the gender politics issue so I'm probably misusing that term in this context, BUT....
In an interview with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake promoting their movie "Friends With Benefits," Mila Kunis says
"Ultimately, it ends when someone wants to go and get serious with somebody. More times than not, a person catches feelings and somebody gets hurt," she says. "When a female orgasms, a hormone gets released. I've never met a girl who can have sex without an ounce of feeling."
I call total bullshit. Unless I'm just a complete outlier, I am completely capable of having a great sexual relationship without falling in love with the guy -- I've done it, with a couple of men, and it worked out fine. I mean, it's not without its issues and I've found that usually one person does seem to fall a little harder and want more of an emotional relationship, but it's by NO MEANS always the woman. I just hate when women perpetuate that myth about us as a group, that sex is always about love, and we're not capable of just enjoying sex for sex sake, etc.
Blah. I'm in a mood to complain.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
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If that BS were true, then every hooker in the world would be following their johns around like little puppies and giving it away for free.
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Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
HBD, not that I am taking things up with the original post, but how many hookers do you really think are having orgasms? I mean... I was assuming almost all of them were faking it.
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Permalink Reply by ruth on -
Yeah, I think sex work is in a whole 'nother category. But I know I was having plenty of orgasms with my FWBs and didn't fall for any of them.
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Permalink Reply by Diggy on -
I think I still want to hold onto this myth, but I really know it's not true. It does sound like one of those things from the 50's where it's up to the girl to say no because guys aren't capable of that. I'm pretty sure I've fucked plenty of women that were just fine without having serious issues with it. Maybe I just didn't give them an orgasm. Oh well.
Anyway, it does sound a bit odd. And I usually doubt medical news from movie stars.
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Permalink Reply by Kiwi on -
I have to call bullshit on this one. I know plenty of women, myself included, who have/have had sexual experiences that are completely void of emotional baggage.
I think it has more to do with the individual than gender.
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I wasn't reading it as only the orgasm-having creating the lovey feeling, but the sex itself.
mcglory13 said:HBD, not that I am taking things up with the original post, but how many hookers do you really think are having orgasms? I mean... I was assuming almost all of them were faking it.
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Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
I would love to know which sex hormone, exactly, is the one that produces feelings of love. Euphoria, maybe. Not love.
Interestingly, in my experience it's been true that when I have FWBs or am casually dating someone (and I primarily FWB/date people who are or used to be women), they do indeed "want to go and get serious" with someone. But it's usually not me. Usually the people I sleep with end up wanting to go get a "real" girlfriend, and the fact that we've been doing it does not factor into those feelings at all.
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Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on
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I think she's referring to oxytocin (here's a link, though not terribly scientific): http://www.youramazingbrain.org.uk/lovesex/sciencelove.htm.
It's the same chemical that is produced when you breastfeed. I am not a scientist, but as far as I know it is released in both men AND women. So there's no reason women would be more susceptible to falling for a dude they have sex with than vice versa.
There's a really interesting Radiolab on this very topic I recommend: http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2007/aug/28/this-is-you...{feed}&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+%24{radiolab}+%28%24{Radiolab}%29
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Permalink Reply by Bigkrygowski on -
Women have orgasms?
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Permalink Reply by Mommy Monster on -
Bigkrygowski, FTW!
And for the record, I have had FWB relationships with plenty of orgasms and didn't fall in love.
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Permalink Reply by The Oracle on -
Like.
Digggy said:
And I usually doubt medical news from movie stars.
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Permalink Reply by G.G. on -
Meh, she's an asshat. But that's ok.
I get the overall point - which is hey, you're famous and shit - perhaps think twice before spouting off, mmm, k thanks.
I have to say that a few men (and a few women) I've known ...actually would agree with her... That some how women are hard wired to constantly intermingle love and sex.
Oh yeah, and Black Swan SUCKED. ;)
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