An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
For all the many folks with more than one child...
Which is most all of y'all. :)
Why did you decide to have more than one?
I'm really looking for answers and opinions here out of genuine curiosity.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by TommysMommy on -
I dunno... our family just didn't feel "complete." Not that it wouldn't have been fine if we hadn't been able to have a second, but we really wanted two kids. It's just lucky we had a boy and a girl.
It did take a lot of convincing my husband, who was rather spooked after the extended labour and emergency c-section of the first.
And financially, we could swing it. :)
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Permalink Reply by ruth on -
Yep, same here. I just wanted another one. It was a purely instinctual kind of feeling. Knowing I wanted one more, I weighed the pros and cons and the pros seemed enough to go ahead and have another.
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Permalink Reply by Andromeda on -
yeah, it just seemed right to have another. and it seemed like the right time.
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Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on -
I originally wanted four! I had this very intense biological drive when it came to thinking about having AG's children...I know, kinda weird. Anyway, after the disaster that was my pregnancy with Little B, I very sadly concluded that we would stick with just one child.
And then the husband pressure started, and just wouldn't quit. After a year of him mentioning it every five goddamn minutes (when he was home), I caved. Part of me did want another child, I just wasn't sure about the pregnancy part of it, but I figured that 9 months would eventually end, whereas if I didn't have another baby, I'd always wonder about it. That part made up my mind. Lifelong regrets suck. I didn't plan on also having a lifelong health condition to stem from the second kid, but that is the risk you take when you decide to have a child. There will be a cost, somewhere.
But having the Little Miss is like having my own little piece of the sun in the house, so in the end, I count the price as well-paid. Well, at least most of the time!
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Permalink Reply by Kiwi on -
Antibiotics lessened the effectiveness of my birth control. In weighing the pros and cons of carrying to term, the pros won.
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Permalink Reply by DLBK on -
I'm an only child and have always wanted siblings, so I always thought I'd have two kids so they could have each other. Also, I really wanted a daughter and my first is a boy--of course, my second is also a boy. I am not ready to give up on having a daughter just yet.
Are you considering another child?
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Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
Most of the time I have talked to people who (like some above) just "knew" that they wanted more children. I was mostly curious if that is always the case. I figured there had to be a more diverse array of answers out there (and I appreciate people taking the time to share them!)
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Permalink Reply by Mommy Monster on -
I'd always wanted two kids. I liked the idea of not increasing the overall population (seriously even as a kid I thought that), but I wanted two - for me, for them, for my family.
I come from a family with three. I'm the oldest and have two younger sibs who are much younger (7 and 9 years younger). It was a weird combo of having siblings that I really loved, but also feeling really left out because they were so close in age. If I had more than one I absolutely wanted them close together.
My first pregnancy was healthy and uncomplicated, and I could have made a birth video that wouldn't have scared the bejesus out of pregnant women because the birth went so well and was relatively easy. We also had no financial impediment.
I also didn't want an only child to be left with sole family responsiblities for us. I worked very closely with a woman who was going through that just after we had Raidne, and I know it isn't always like that, but her stress and anxiety really made a huge impression on me as she cared for one parent with failing physical health and the other with dementia but good physical health. She was looking at years and years of that with no one to share the burden. I know some families have multiple kids and those burdens fall on one child anyway, but there it is. It really served to reaffirm my choice rather than make my choice, but it did leave a huge impact on me.
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Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
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I always wanted three. Big O was a surprise a week before the wedding, but pretty much from the moment she was born we knew there would be more. It was just a matter of when our life could support another short person. That time came after 5 years, and we tried and immediately succeeded with Ebay. Because of the obvious psychological complications of her birth, plus physical complications for me in the massive hernia, we decided to forgo the third. Now that we've settled in with the two girls, we feel our family is complete. I never felt complete with just O.
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Permalink Reply by ks on -
Before I had N, I wanted lots of kids (like, 6 or more kids). Then, after being pregnant and giving birth and then going through his first year, I was definitely sure that I was not having 6 kids and pretty sure that I didn't want any more at all. I hated being pregnant, giving birth was just awful, and N was a horrible baby. He was one of those kids who always wanted to be held, mostly by me, and he didn't sleep through the night a single time until a week past his 1st birthday. He's 10 now and I still remember the first time he slept through--I kept waking up because I was used to it and he did not.
However, after N, Mr. S really wanted to have another. I was on the fence, leaning toward no, but I agreed to go ahead with it, mainly because I thought it would be nice for N to have a sibling (my sisters and I fought like crazy growing up, but we are best friends now), and I had *really* wanted to have a daughter the first time around. And so I let him talk me into it.
And now A will be 7 next month and I am done. Mr. S occasionally will make noises about having another, but it is not happening. I flat out told him that if he wanted more kids, he needed to grow a uterus and do it his own self or find someone else who will and then he'd need to find someone to raise it as well, because I would not be having or caring for any more kids. Honestly, if I had to do it over again, I probably would have stuck to my guns and not have had a second kid. I love A and all, but he is a very difficult child and I don't care for motherhood nearly as much as I thought I would.
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Permalink Reply by Mommy Monster on
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I love that you are so OK with this statement.
ks said:I don't care for motherhood nearly as much as I thought I would.
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Permalink Reply by ruth on
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ks, I appreciate your honesty SO much. Really. I feel exactly the same way, about not caring for motherhood nearly as much as I thought I would, but to most people saying that would make me some kind of monster in their eyes.
ks said:Before I had N, I wanted lots of kids (like, 6 or more kids). Then, after being pregnant and giving birth and then going through his first year, I was definitely sure that I was not having 6 kids and pretty sure that I didn't want any more at all. I hated being pregnant, giving birth was just awful, and N was a horrible baby. He was one of those kids who always wanted to be held, mostly by me, and he didn't sleep through the night a single time until a week past his 1st birthday. He's 10 now and I still remember the first time he slept through--I kept waking up because I was used to it and he did not.
However, after N, Mr. S really wanted to have another. I was on the fence, leaning toward no, but I agreed to go ahead with it, mainly because I thought it would be nice for N to have a sibling (my sisters and I fought like crazy growing up, but we are best friends now), and I had *really* wanted to have a daughter the first time around. And so I let him talk me into it.
And now A will be 7 next month and I am done. Mr. S occasionally will make noises about having another, but it is not happening. I flat out told him that if he wanted more kids, he needed to grow a uterus and do it his own self or find someone else who will and then he'd need to find someone to raise it as well, because I would not be having or caring for any more kids. Honestly, if I had to do it over again, I probably would have stuck to my guns and not have had a second kid. I love A and all, but he is a very difficult child and I don't care for motherhood nearly as much as I thought I would.
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