An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
Food as love
Another spin off thread!
I don't know that I personally would equate food with love, but acts of service (making/preparing/serving of food that I do 20+ times a week) is an expression of love from me to my family and friends. I know the whole concept is kind of corny, but that is my "love language"... I'm all about the acts of service.
Tonight I am making apple/cheedar scones, turkey stew and cinnamon sticks for dessert (pizza dough base, cinnamon sugar baked on). Usually at least once a week we put in effort at a meal that required multiple pots/pans and more than 1/2 an hour to cook.
The rest of the week meals are on a "meets the 3 food group requirement" basis and may or may not involve actual cooking. Still an act of service, but more out of obligation than actual enjoyment.
What about you? How does the act of cooking tie into your expressions of love or is it completely free of such bindings?
I don't know that I personally would equate food with love, but acts of service (making/preparing/serving of food that I do 20+ times a week) is an expression of love from me to my family and friends. I know the whole concept is kind of corny, but that is my "love language"... I'm all about the acts of service.
Tonight I am making apple/cheedar scones, turkey stew and cinnamon sticks for dessert (pizza dough base, cinnamon sugar baked on). Usually at least once a week we put in effort at a meal that required multiple pots/pans and more than 1/2 an hour to cook.
The rest of the week meals are on a "meets the 3 food group requirement" basis and may or may not involve actual cooking. Still an act of service, but more out of obligation than actual enjoyment.
What about you? How does the act of cooking tie into your expressions of love or is it completely free of such bindings?
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Joe Mama on -
For me I get that sense of food as act of love when I'm preparing a big holiday meal. Even though I know I'm going to be spending hours more preparing than will be spent eating it still feels like every step is a gift.
-
Permalink Reply by Kiwi on -
My friends and family are rather addicted to the desserts I make but due to the complex nature of a lot of the items they aren't things that I do regularly. So these desserts have become my love language. I make them for birthdays, important occasions/accomplishments/milestones and when people are in places in their lives that I know they could use a pick me up.
I will even bake, pack and ship desserts to loved ones when necessary. It's my way of providing the reassuring hug I can't give in person.
-
Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
The fact that my spouse makes me dinner every night is one reason I love him and that I know he loves me. Left to my own devices I'd live off of canned soup, hummus, and pita chips. I do make food for friends, when they have a new baby, etc, and I hope they understand that it is a gesture of love. Especially since I do not really like to do so. I felt special when MNM made me waffles. They were good too.
-
Permalink Reply by Annaevilred on -
I bake with love - its something that makes me feel good, the ability to provide others with super
yummy-ness that I have spent hours on.
But I also don't bake often as it is not easy to get the time to do. (and with my freaking broken leg that will not heal - it's very hard to do)
When I'm in SoCal I spend a day at my grandparents cooking and freezing enough meals to last sever weeks - 'case it is a way I can show the love even when I'm not there. Plus then Grandma does not poison Grandpa.
-
Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
-
I would so much rather prepare a home-cooked meal for a guest than go out to dinner. When we host musicians who are playing with Hubby's orchestra, they all leave saying the dinner I made for them was so enjoyed, mostly as a chance to sit and chat while it's being prepared, then to sit as part of a family and be welcomed into the fold instead of a waiter serving your food while others rush you for your table. I'm a good cook and i love to share my giftr with those I love.
-
Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on -
The everyday, serviceable stuff we tend to get by on is just food. But for special occasions, company and holidays when I whip out the big guns and make fancy stuff, or sweet stuff or meals made tailored to a particular individual - those are definitely coming from my heart. It makes me even happier when the kids ask if they can help. I want them to have those good memories, so that they can share the love around when they are older.
It was also tradition in our house that on birthdays, my mom would make a meal to order plus birthday cake. The year I turned 20, I asked for steak Diane, and this strawberry cake that she first made for my older sister's third birthday. It was one of my fondest birthday memories, knowing my mom put all that effort into that meal for me.
-
Permalink Reply by Boring User Name on -
Hmm. I might answer differently another day, but right now, I'm not sure I think of it as an act of love, but just responsibility.
I like to host and entertain, though. There's something about having people under my roof feeling comfortable and relaxed that makes me happy. And I am happy to feed them to assist with that feeling. Sometimes I like to cook for family events because it gives me a role--something to do when I've run out of things to talk about!
[Edited to add: I almost like the organizing aspect of prepping for a group more than the actual cooking. I've been just as happy putting together an impromptu picnic at the grocery store than cooking. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to figure such things out. I'm probably overthinking this, but I was intrigued by the question. ]
-
Permalink Reply by DLBK on -
A few years ago I pointed out a pumpkin-shaped 3D cake in a magazine to my husband. For my birthday, my MIL made the cake along with a small pumpkin for me to eat :-) That was an act of love.
I don't much like cooking, but I make food on occasion.
-
Permalink Reply by Diggy on -
You know, I didn't think about this way until you said it. Now I'm a bit pissed as well. The Wife is usually complaining about how we don't eat very healthy, so I try to spend some time on a Sunday cooking (after taking all three kids to the grocery store) and sometimes I get the feeling that she thinks I'm doing it because I get alone time in the kitchen. I love to cook and I'm better at it then she is, but I also like to try and make things that she'll really like and that are healthy. But yeah, I don't think I get the thanks for it that I should. And I even clean up after myself.
Lady Grey said:I wish we had a "like" button. I think I express love through my cooking. I'm not sure if my family sees it that way, sadly. My husband sometimes thinks I'm just doing it to get out of other household chores (which really pisses me off) and my kids are so damn picky that they often won't try the something new and occasionally end up with a yelling. I love to cook, I'm a good cook, and I like my family to eat good food.
Now I'm kind of annoyed at all of them. Thanks.
-
Permalink Reply by ks on -
I feel the same way about it. And I have the same complaint about Mr. S and the kids.
In fact, Mr. S seems to regard all feeding related activities as *my job,* requiring no help or input from him at all. But he still gets irritable if I make something involved or different or that he doesn't like. He also gets pissy if I decide that I'm making one meal and everybody will eat that or not eat (as in, I'm not a short order cook and am not making 4 different dinners every day). Or, say on a night when I'm teaching, I'll come home at 8 pm and he'll ask me what the kids are eating for dinner. Because he apparently couldn't be bothered to put cheese on bread and cut up an apple or something for them to eat during the previous 5 hours from the time they got home from school to when I got home from work.
But my showing of love through food comes doesn't really come out of everyday cooking. That is mostly making food that everyone will eat and that tastes reasonably good. But I do show love through making special things that I know Mr. S or the boys will like and that I make because I love them and want them to be happy. Things like special birthday dinners, or cookies just because, or the pumpkin pie I made this morning (from actual pumpkins that I roasted and pureed and with homemade crust) because N and Mr. S both love pumpkin pie.
Digggy said:You know, I didn't think about this way until you said it. Now I'm a bit pissed as well. The Wife is usually complaining about how we don't eat very healthy, so I try to spend some time on a Sunday cooking (after taking all three kids to the grocery store) and sometimes I get the feeling that she thinks I'm doing it because I get alone time in the kitchen. I love to cook and I'm better at it then she is, but I also like to try and make things that she'll really like and that are healthy. But yeah, I don't think I get the thanks for it that I should. And I even clean up after myself.
-
Permalink Reply by hermit crab on -
Ah HA! I tell you, the whole "food as a source of love" business is just confusing and leads to resentment. Food is food - everyone needs it. Why do we need to constantly feel grateful to the provider of it? And then there's this thing about sometimes it being love and sometimes it being just work. How is the recipient supposed to know?
What other source of love requires a "thank you"? When I hug someone, it's because I want to, and it would be odd to hear a thank you in response.
-
Permalink Reply by wookie on -
Let me clarify (at least for me)... for me, acts of service is how I express that you are valuable to me. Food providing is one of those acts of service. It's not one that I love especially, and because it is not particularly enjoyable for me, I do appreciate a thank you, help or even just not acting like the apple chunk in your scone is the child of Chuthulu.
I think we all want our expressions of love to be appreciated, wether it's service, gifts, quality time or physical/verbal expressions. It's what prevents me from buying a motorcycle and driving to Philly on a bi-weekly basis.
hermit crab said:Ah HA! I tell you, the whole "food as a source of love" business is just confusing and leads to resentment. Food is food - everyone needs it. Why do we need to constantly feel grateful to the provider of it? And then there's this thing about sometimes it being love and sometimes it being just work. How is the recipient supposed to know?
What other source of love requires a "thank you"? When I hug someone, it's because I want to, and it would be odd to hear a thank you in response.
© 2013 Created by Offsprunger.
Powered by
