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Fling or future mate?
My Friend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and a half and the sex is still amazing. Maybe it's cuz we only hang out a couple nights a week. Maybe it's cuz we were both in very dry marriages and are trying to make up for lost lovin’. Maybe it's just great and we can't get enough of each other.
We both have kids- he has 2 and I have 3. We have navigated dating with a teenager around all.the.time. and littles who still like to crawl into bed in the middle of the night. I work all.the.time and still have the stress of managing my house, pets, garden, and kids. My Friend lost his job, started his own business, and is struggling to co-parent his littles in a less than traditional way that requires a tremendous amount of maturity and respect for his former partner. My Friend and I have navigated some difficult conversations and hurt feelings with respect for each other, good communication, and without being nasty or mean. And we still can’t get enough of each other. Kinda feels like a grown up relationship...all mature and loving.
I guess it’s not just a fling anymore. It’s gone beyond great sex…it’s morphed into a real grown up relationship. Great communication, respect for each other, and sharing our lives and kids. It’s good. When did you know it’s not just a fling? When did you realize you had found your future mate?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Daddy Geek Boy on
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Sounds to me like you already have.
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Permalink Reply by The Oracle on -
Yeah, that definitely doesn't sound flingy to me! For me, it's been the steadiness through thick and thin, and the willingness to work things out, to be flexible (despite the fact that we're both unbelievably stubborn), etc. that clued me in. Also, there were tingles.
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Permalink Reply by mcglory13 on -
Doesn't sound like a fling to me either. :) I think realizing we had all the same life goals and the same philosophy on things did it for us.
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Permalink Reply by mightyninjamom on -
I think if it's a fling, then the participants tend to flee at the first sign of trouble. It sounds like you guys are really sticking things out. It must be a wonderful feeling knowing there's someone you can count on.
I knew right away with AlphaGeek. He is just NOT the type of man you have a one night stand with. Or even a fling. He is very much a get-married-settle-down-and-have-kids type of guy. It was a startling realization that happened in the middle of a bar of all places, when we were having beers with a couple of his friends. I knew that if I chose to change the dynamic of our friendship to something more intimate I would be stuck with him forever. And it wasn't a bad feeling at all.
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Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
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I think you know already.
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Permalink Reply by The Oracle on
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Oh! Oh! Also! When we told my grandma we were engaged, and she took me aside and said, "Does he make you laugh?" I said, "Yes," and she said, "Well, that's a relief. I kept meaning to leave your grandpa all these years, but then he'd make me laugh and I had to stay." That was another moment I knew.
But I kinda think it has to keep reaffirming itself for years and years and years, in lots of different ways, every day or at least almost every day. For every relationship. If it doesn't, there's something wrong.
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Permalink Reply by Future Fox on -
Well, I sure do enjoy our friendship. We have similar life goals and parenting styles. We both enjoy our gardens and chickens. He is even earthier and crunchier than me (hard to imagine, I know). I think he is worth not running away from when things are tough- that's my typical responce. He makes me laugh. He holds me tight when I cry. And he sings me to sleep at night.
Maybe not a fling, maybe a mate...for now or maybe for a long, long while.
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Permalink Reply by ruth on -
He holds me tight when I cry. And he sings me to sleep at night.
Ok, this made me tear up a little.
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Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
Sounds like you have a real thing going! What a lovely relationship!
There was no one moment that I knew the life duet and I were in it for keeps. More like a series of incremental shifts over several years wherein I went from being a person who would not refer to anything as "forever", could not identify with the concept of having a life partner, would not get married, and refused to share income to ensure that I could extricate myself easily if I needed to, to being a person who uses the term "life duet", is legally married, and is financially beholden and beholden to for drastic sums. Also, I haven't cooked for myself since we moved in together. I'm not sure I recall how. ;) The week the life duet and little man were gone, dinner one night was part of a store-bought rotisserie chicken and a peach.
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Permalink Reply by hermit crab on -
I was dating a few guys when I met L, and always referred to him as my "friend" too -- or my "activity pal." I didn't see him as long-term material at first because there are a lot of superficial differences between us, but we just always had such a great time together. When I was with one of the other people I was seeing I kept wishing I was with him instead.
I kept waiting for red flags that would indicate that the end of the relationship was near, but after a good number of months of not seeing any I knew we were going to get married. I felt like I was never afraid to tell him the truth, no matter how unpleasant that truth was, and we have always been gentle with each other when we're in conflict. I think those things were really important to me, based on my previous relationship experiences.
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Permalink Reply by ks on -
It surely does sound like you've got something there.
I got an idea that my summer fling with Mr. S (which was really all either of had intended going in) was developing into something more serious when the thought of going home at the end of it and never seeing him again made me physically ill. We're really good together--we have similar values, neither of us is afraid to tell the other when the bullshit is getting thick, and we make each other laugh a lot. Also, the sex is great, still.
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