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Feeling old tonight
At the end of July, my entire department at work was out for lunch in Newark to celebrate two birthdays. Completely randomly, my high school boyfriend, whom I hadn't seen since our 5-year reunion in ... (drumroll, please) 1992, was at the same restaurant. We caught up for half an hour that day, then met up again at the end of August for lunch, and then again this afternoon. It's all completely above-board, God knows, but for some reason I came away from an entirely pleasant lunch today feeling about 70 years old. I can't quite place why; is it because he's someone who defined a period of my life that ended at age 17, and then he went away for decades, so he represents a moment in time that is long gone? Is it because back when I knew him, everything was ahead of me? I can't shake this odd sadness. But I think I've been mid-life (well, really, third-life, given my destiny to live to be 120) crisising a lot lately, so it's probably all part and parcel with this vague discomfort with the knowledge that my complete physical and mental collapse, followed of course by death, is just around the corner.
Anyhoo, stupid, stupid post, I know. It's really just thrown me for a curve.
Anyhoo, stupid, stupid post, I know. It's really just thrown me for a curve.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by bethany on -
Hausfrau, I'm about the same age as you, and sometimes, running into people from the high school days is sobering--almost 20 years ago for me--makes you think about what you thought you'd be doing now back when you were young...and how different things turned out!
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Permalink Reply by kanachick on -
Right there with you....I had the big birthday in August and something has been kind of off ever since. Just sort of a feeling of malaise and loss. It's stupid, right? But there it is.
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Permalink Reply by Mamawho on
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One of my dearest friends from high school and early adulthood (and also my high school crush) died two years ago, and it made me feel strangely old. Really shook me to my core.
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Permalink Reply by Floor Pie on -
I hear you! Occasionally I'll reconnect with an old boyfriend on Facebook... So many of them are balding and/or grey, which seems impossible. Aren't they supposed to just stay 22? Sigh. And of course I'm sure they're equally freaked out by my wrinkles and c-belly.
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Permalink Reply by Hausfrau on -
I also should not have had 3 glasses of wine in the middle of the afternoon. But we met up in my town, at a place walking distance from my house, and I was sort of nervous, even though we'd already had lunch in August, and my mother and aunt had big plans with the kids after school, so what the hell. Except I think that contributed to my bleurgh-ness.
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Permalink Reply by Boring User Name on -
I met up with an old boyfriend in The Castro recently. Yeah...that made me feel more than old. Clearly that was a lifetime ago.
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Permalink Reply by The Oracle on -
oh....yeah. it's probably postpartum hormones + 40 being just around the corner (three weeks...and counting...) but yeah. I hear ya.
One of my best friends from high school died about a year ago and ever since then, I keep thinking, Wow, we never knew, that whole time, that she only had 20 or so years left. And then: How long do I have? And then: Why am I still changing small people's diapers? I'm 40. Why aren't I on a book tour or something?
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Permalink Reply by Piebrothersmomma on -
For me, things like that transport me back to a time when it was all about me - my selfish needs and desires and dreams. Back to a time when I didn't, at least on some level, spend every minute of every day worrying about a child's health or future, my bank account balance or the size of my ass. And back to a time when everything was new - I was learning things for the first time. Experiencing love and sex for the first time and it all seemed so much more wonderful.
Then when I come back to reality, back to my life, it's like that damned alarm clock going off in the middle of a beautiful dream. Definitely knocks me for a loop for a bit. Sometimes, just for a minute, I wish I could be back in that time, experiencing it all again. But only with the knowledge that I could get my current life back - I would never want to lose what I have now. That keeps me sane sometimes, especially when I'm feeling extra nostalgic.
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Permalink Reply by The Oracle on
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Nicely put, pbm.
Piebrothersmomma said:For me, things like that transport me back to a time when it was all about me - my selfish needs and desires and dreams. Back to a time when I didn't, at least on some level, spend every minute of every day worrying about a child's health or future, my bank account balance or the size of my ass. And back to a time when everything was new - I was learning things for the first time. Experiencing love and sex for the first time and it all seemed so much more wonderful.
Then when I come back to reality, back to my life, it's like that damned alarm clock going off in the middle of a beautiful dream. Definitely knocks me for a loop for a bit. Sometimes, just for a minute, I wish I could be back in that time, experiencing it all again. But only with the knowledge that I could get my current life back - I would never want to lose what I have now. That keeps me sane sometimes, especially when I'm feeling extra nostalgic.
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Permalink Reply by Annaevilred on -
I felt old about a month ago when I figured out that I have boots older than some of the girls I ride with.
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