I have those times when I think about divorce. I've even surfed divorce attorney websites and state laws and such. I think having those kinds of thoughts is probably pretty normal. I have found myself fantasizing about being "not married" (without thinking about how that might be accomplished, just the after part). Like any other fantasy, I can make it perfect without any difficulty, which I know is not even in the same zip code as reality. But, those periods of discontent don't usually stick around for too long.
However, if those feelings stay with you, you might want to talk to somebody. have you considered getting counseling on your own? Not to save your marriage necessarily, but to help discover your own needs and how to take care of you? (Warning: armchair pyschology approaching) - Based on your comment about your age and weight, it sounds like your self-esteem could use a boost. Counseling might help you figure out what YOU want and how to achieve it.
Don't try to make your marriage better overnight. Get yourself in shape. Invest in yourself for a few months. Anything can be solved, but it is in layers and may take a year or more to unwind. He is also hurt, which is why he manifests a "lack of ability to love". If you don't want marriage counseling, some individual therapy might be useful to you.
People can love women with kids. Trust me, I've seen evidence of it happening. You're not getting any younger. Invest in yourself and do everything possible to keep every option open. That will not relieve your difficult situation but it will keep the weight of depression off of you.
I'm curious to hear more about the following statement, not sure I am understanding what is meant.
"And take it from somebody who has already pushed 40 - sexually adventurous women are at a premium. We don't expect perfect bodies anymore because our bodies aren't perfect. But nice is still nice."
Basically what floor pie said. The phrase "at a premium" was not well stated by me. Rather than work too hard to make sense of it, keep in mind I should have simply said, "are always appreciated".
I thought about it, and still do every now and then. Not necessarily because we aren't getting along...it's just gotten to the point that I wonder why I'm still here. With him. He doesn't need me here, and he isn't contributing much in my life or the kids' lives except financially. He is going to die from overwork soon, if he doesn't slow down. He's already starting to come home early with migraines and such.
However, realistically it's really not an option. He makes quintuple what I would yearly, and it's not prudent to run two households. Plus, it's not like we fight a lot or our relationship totally sucks or anything. We just barely see one another. For me, the solution has come down to changing my expectations of our relationship and changing my expectations of him. I could probably also use a few individual counseling sessions as well, but being realistic in my concepts of our relationship has eased my mind somewhat. I wonder sometimes if it's something to do with where we are at as well - we've been married for 12 years and have a 5 and 8 year old. Things are just hectic. We don't take time to pay attention to each other much these days. I'm pretty sure things will level out when the kids are more independent, but it's hard to see that when you are slogging through the worst of it.