An irreverent, inclusive, alternative parenting community
Can I have Takesies-Backsies?
This shouldn't bother me, but it does.
Friends of ours had their second child two months ago. A few months before that, I wrote to the husband of the pair and asked if his wife would want our ErgoBaby carrier. I knew she loved to wear the first boy, and since I wasn't using it (Ebay prefers the Kelty backpack) I thought someone could get some good use out of the thing on which I spent $150, which is no small purchase in our piss-poor family. He asked her, she said yes, and I mailed it off to them.
In the hundreds of photos she's shared on her FB page, the baby is in the stroller, in the carseat, in a sling, on a blanket, in their arms, but not a single picture is in the Ergo. They're not using it at all.
Would it be rude of me to ask for it back if it's not being used, because now I have other friends who are expecting and would love to have this thing? Or shall I just bite my tongue and wait it out in case they're just holding onto it for when the baby's older? I mean, you don't exactly call up your friend and ask "Hey, how's that expensive thing I gave you for your baby working out? Getting my money's worth out of it?" I wouldn't even ask that of my best friend.
Friends of ours had their second child two months ago. A few months before that, I wrote to the husband of the pair and asked if his wife would want our ErgoBaby carrier. I knew she loved to wear the first boy, and since I wasn't using it (Ebay prefers the Kelty backpack) I thought someone could get some good use out of the thing on which I spent $150, which is no small purchase in our piss-poor family. He asked her, she said yes, and I mailed it off to them.
In the hundreds of photos she's shared on her FB page, the baby is in the stroller, in the carseat, in a sling, on a blanket, in their arms, but not a single picture is in the Ergo. They're not using it at all.
Would it be rude of me to ask for it back if it's not being used, because now I have other friends who are expecting and would love to have this thing? Or shall I just bite my tongue and wait it out in case they're just holding onto it for when the baby's older? I mean, you don't exactly call up your friend and ask "Hey, how's that expensive thing I gave you for your baby working out? Getting my money's worth out of it?" I wouldn't even ask that of my best friend.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Andromeda on -
i'm with McG on this one. as long as you keep it light and casual, i don't see why it would be a problem.
personally, if something like this were bothering me i would have a problem keeping it light, but hopefully you are nicer than me. or can at least fake it better than i can.
-
Permalink Reply by kanachick on -
It's quite possible that the baby hates the carrier. Or it doesn't fit the mom right and so she's not using it. Phrasing it the way McG says is probably the way to go - it gives her a chance to say "yeah, thanks for the loan of the carrier but little Ishmael cries constantly when it comes anywhere near him. If you know someone who could use it then take it back"
-
Permalink Reply by Ylimemagic on -
Was it a loan or a give? Cause if you gave it to her and she hated it, she might've passed it on by now and would feel awkward telling you. I slough off baby gear so fast it'll make your head spin. If I didn't use it, it'd already be in the hands of someone better suited for it. (But I most likely would've called you back and offered to send it back to you before I gave it to the next person standing closest to me.)
If it was a loan, ask away!
-
Permalink Reply by Meghan on -
I think mcglory phrased it well also, but I agree with Ylime too. I have gotten so much kid stuff from everywhere that I donate or pass it on pretty fast, and she might feel weird about telling you. If it was a "give" and you decide to ask anyway try not to be upset if she doesn't have it anymore.
-
Permalink Reply by Herasmus B. Dragon on
-
It was a Give. I understand if I gave a present that wasn't needed and it was regifted to someone else because it really wasn't needed. I also understand if I offered something and someone politely turned it down because it wasn't needed. But since this was so expensive, I wanted to make sure it would be used by the person I gave it to, so I sent links showing what it was, and asked if they thought they could get some use out of it or if I should offer it to another friend. They said they wanted it, which to me means "Yes I'd love it and I'd love to use it, thank you!". If they didn't think they'd use it, they shouldn't have said yes.
I guess I'm not going to feel right about this until I know. I'm thinking something like "I love the pictures with little Meatball riding in the sling wrap, he looks so happy. I remember Ebay loved hers so much. Now that you know his temperment, do you think when he's older he'll like the Ergo carrier I sent up?
-
Permalink Reply by bap2 on
-
My son hated the Ergo with a blinding passion until he was well over a year old. I was lent one by a friend who used it from birth. When my son was 6 month old she asked for it back. I kind of thought it was a great carrier, so I found another one on craigslist for 85. Sure enough when he was a toddler he took to it like white on rice and we've used it a lot since then. I think it was the facing my chest and having his legs splayed apart that he didn't like.
I have no opinion, just wanted to state why it didn't work for us until later.
-
Permalink Reply by CJRW on
-
I'm in a very philosophical place right now, so my advice is this:
Release it to the Universe. If she's got it gathering dust in a closet, send out a silent Universal plea that she release it to someone who can use it.
If she's already passed it on, take pleasure in knowing that the item is being used by someone for its intended purpose. Also, keep in mind that you did something good for someone, and that your friend was just the middleman. You did something nice for a stranger! That's awesome!
-
-
I don't mind in the least if it's got a new home now. I'm realizing that this is a pretty stupid thing to be worrying over, so I'm going to take CJRW's advice.
-
-
Now I feel like a huge tool. This friend just wrote me to say they began using the Ergo last week, and the baby now grins whenever she puts it on for their walks. They all love it.
[hangs head in shame for doubting my friend]
-
Permalink Reply by MamaButterfly on -
Maybe she read this post.
-
Permalink Reply by kommishoner on -
Nah, I think it's okay. As T-Rex beautifully said, the circle closed. Your karma is intact.
Herasmus B. Dragon said:Now I feel like a huge tool. This friend just wrote me to say they began using the Ergo last week, and the baby now grins whenever she puts it on for their walks. They all love it.
[hangs head in shame for doubting my friend]
© 2013 Created by Offsprunger.
Powered by
